


You Know It Will Always Just Be Me

by LollaCorreia



Category: Chris Colfer/Darren Criss - Fandom, CrissColfer - Fandom, chris colfer - Fandom, darren criss - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-08 14:13:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5500301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LollaCorreia/pseuds/LollaCorreia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris and Darren are in a relationship for a long time, but when Chris finds himself being hidden and Darren having to act like someone else, everything crumbles down. Are they mature enough to make their stressful and hidden relationship work?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I'm Lolla and it's the first time ever I write and post a fic. I hope you all like it. I think I'll first post this chapter and see how it goes!

Darren and Chris were the kings of ups and downs. 

 

Since the beginning of their relationship in 2011, for two people who have to deal with different types of people everyday, they sucked at agreeing with each other and expressing their real feelings. That always led to eventful fights, not talking to each other at all for weeks and it crushed their brains as well because they'd spend too much time wondering about what the other would be thinking or doing.

 

The day they finally managed to talk and express themselves, it was like a heavy weight were being lifted from Darren and Chris' shoulders. After that day, they decided they couldn't be away from each other and this would be their happily ever after.

 

Until it wasn't.

 

Chris and Darren would fight at least three times a month. It didn't seem like a lot, but between those fights, there were always some disagreements that weren't too important and when they really fought, they used to say things they didn't mean, being mean to each other and cracking their relationship every time they did.

 

Things that crack eventually break.  
-

 

It was another day on the Glee set and Chris seemed to be the only person who couldn't give a fuck about this episode they were about to shoot. 

 

Chris had read the script several times at home, calling Ryan every now and then to complain about Kurt and Blaine's actions. He and Darren, just like Kurt and Blaine, weren't together anymore and weren’t even talking outside of the studio. Their last fight seemed to be the last fight ever and Chris had never cried so much in his entire life after what Darren had shouted to him, which meant something because Chris have always had enough reasons to cry his soul out. Every time Chris remembered what happened, he would scoff to himself, not really believing he and Darren would end up like that.

 

After years of a hard, hidden relationship, Chris was starting to accept that that was his life for how long he wasn't sure, but as long as he had Darren by his side, everything was okay. 

 

Or so he thought.

 

-

 

One day, Darren was out attending an event without Chris, but of course, Chris was used to that. Chris arrived home early from Fox Studios and he was feeling weirdly tired. His and Darren's characters were in a together-not-together relationship and that was killing him. The scripts were getting longer and heavier every time he received a new one; the scenes were intense, and the emotions were still floating out of him. He rubbed the bridge of his nose while he was parking his car, sighing in relief for just coming home. Chris smiled, his heart warming when he heard Cooper’s barks from the house. Home. Exactly where he wanted to be. He got out of his car, rushed to his house and opened the door, and was thrown on the floor by his heavy and extremely happy dog. Meanwhile, he received a bitch glare from Brian who was seated as classy as he could in front of them, his tail swinging lazily from one side to the other which meant he was happy to see Chris, too, but he still refused to move. Chris played with his pets until he got tired and Cooper licked his face one more time before running to the couch, laying there and falling asleep fast. Brian sat beside Chris now, as he had joined his owner and Cooper some time when they were rolling on the floor. He looked and Chris, tucked his head to the side and ran to his bowl, waiting for Chris to put food in it.Then he showered, changed into his pajamas and laid on his king-sized bed.

 

"One more night where Daddy has to sleep alone," Chris mumbled to Brian who was lying on his side. He and Darren were living together since they decided it was good enough for the both of them. Or not good enough since Darren was almost never at home or always coming late to a usually sleepy Chris. 

Chris opened his laptop and started searching for something, anything that could give him inspiration to start his new book. Without Darren around, it was hard to think, which was really strange because Darren was noisy, messy and a human being that could never walk normally, only jump around. But that was what helped Chris to have inspiration and write things down. 

 

He was about to finish reading an article about magical places around the world when his cell phone vibrated on his bedside table. He took it and as soon as he saw what had been sent to him, he immediately jumped off the bed, almost letting his laptop and cellphone fall from his lap and break. His breath caught in his throat and he felt like he was about to faint. Chris had to breathe long and slow for a couple times, a trick he had learned a few years ago to help him not hyperventilate. His hands were trembling and he looked at his screen again just to check that he wasn't going crazy. He has received a few tweets about truthful sources that were also attending the same place Darren was and he couldn't believe what he was seeing. There were some pictures of Darren and...her. Darren holding her, walking hand-in-hand, and the last but not the least important one, the picture that made Chris' heart fall to the ground and break into a billion pieces: an open-mouthed kiss while he held her like he owned her. 

Chris' eyes were on fire, his whole body was trembling, he couldn't even see straight and he was so fucking tired. He and Darren hadn't fought for more than one month now; everything seemed peaceful and too good to be true. But now Chris was too sad, too broken, feeling like he was about to die and nothing could ever change that. Of course he knew that bitch was part of Darren's deal with everything he had to do in the public eye, but the saddest thing is that he hadn't mentioned anything to Chris about her being with him tonight, nor saying anything. They had jumped from 'I walk in front of you, you just follow' to 'I'll hold you like we belong together'. In that same moment, Chris' cell phone started vibrating again. When he looked to see who it was, he saw Lea's face, he pressed the red button and threw his cell phone onto the bed and felt so lost; he didn't even know where to go or what to do. He punched the wall next to him, startling Brian who ran out of the room at the speed of light. Chris didn't even know he had started crying until he felt the hot tears streaming down his face, blurring his vision, blocking his mind and leaving him numb. 

 

The last thing Chris remembered that night was seeing Cooper looking at him from the doorway, staring at Chris like he could understand everything that was happening, which was a little comforting for Chris when he couldn't understand anything at all.

The morning after Chris' blackout, he woke up in his bed, his head heavy with a throbbing pain. His body seemed like it couldn't carry Chris' weight and it took him a minute to remember why he was feeling like shit. 

Oh. 

He moved his body to the side and faced a sleeping Darren next to him. Any other day he would find this perfect and adorable and he would kiss his boyfriend until he woke up. Those days were soon to be over, though and that made Chris' stomach twist inside of him, forcing him out of the bed and straight to the toilet where he threw up, all his worries and his food from the previous day. After that awesome way to wake up on a Saturday morning, he brushed his teeth, took another shower and went to the kitchen, not looking at his bed where the man who made him feel like a total waste was sleeping.

 

Chris sat on the edge of his kitchen table, holding his favourite mug that, for the first time, was filled with water instead of coffee, thinking what the hell he would do with his life when Darren woke up. Cooper sat next to the table and Brian jumped to sit on the kitchen counter. Both of his pets were looking at him with weirdly human faces: Cooper had his huge golden eyes looking at Chris warmly, like the good friend that he was, while Brian had this endless bitch look, but with a hint of concern there. Chris sighed and jumped away from the table, finishing his water and leaving his mug where he was seated. He pet Brian's head and passed Cooper, squeezing his body. He decided it would be good to open the door and let his animals be free for a few minutes while he would try to enjoy the sun that was coming through the giant window in his living room. Chris and Cooper went outside, Cooper running to piss in the first thing he could see. Chris decided to do something different than just watching from the porch like he always did. Instead he walked a little and sat on the grass, not caring if it would ruin his khaki pants or if anyone would see him with his hair damp and not coiffed. He couldn't care less. Chris giggled a little when he looked to where he had left the door ajar and could see Brian narrowing his eyes at them from inside the house.

 

Chris turned to face the trees and the coloured houses he could see from where he was. Cooper ran around him and sometimes sat still, but other times he rolled next to him, trying to catch the pigeons that were too close to them. Chris could almost forget what had led him to change his morning actions if he just focused on the sun warming his skin, the sound of Cooper's paws on the grass, the birds singing not too far away, and the footsteps. Footsteps? Chris looked up to see who was the idiot that was breaking his peace. It was silly of him to think that it could be any other person invading his yard but the one who lived with him. There was Darren, barefooted and without a shirt, his hair wild and so, so beautiful; his pajama pants hung loosely on his hips and he wore that stupid mind-blowing lazy smile that he's always given Chris in the morning.

 

Everything would have been perfect like in a romantic movie, if Chris didn't feel like punching Darren in the face. Just because Darren being so close caused two different emotions on him: one screamed at him to just jump and kiss Darren senseless and make love to him on that grass and there was another part of him that screamed at him to get up and leave. Chris didn't listen to either of them. Instead he waited while Darren sat by his side, kissed him on the cheek and hugged him, putting his face against Chris' neck. When Chris hadn't moved an inch, only flinching with Darren's touch, he looked at Chris with a puzzled expression.

 

"Good morning, sweetheart," Darren mumbled and when Chris subtly nodded, he tried again.   
"Are you okay?" 

Chris only nodded one more time. 

Darren went on,"I came home last night and you were already sleeping...On the floor." 

Chris was a little startled by that, but still said nothing. 

"Will you tell me what happened?" Darren asked, those fucking giant golden-green eyes, full of concern and so oblivious. Chris could almost laugh at how Darren and Cooper's looks matched, but only in the dog were they really innocent. 

 

Chris looked at Darren, not sure if he should actually say something when he wasn't in the privacy of his house, so he just got up and entered his place, not looking if Darren had followed him. When he got inside, Cooper ran past him, stopping by his bowl to drink water and Brian was nowhere to be found. Darren entered just after the dog and stopped in front of Chris, about to take Chris' hand in his when the other man shouted:

 

"Don't touch me!" Chris was startled himself by the high level of his voice, turning away from Darren and sitting on the couch. Darren, of course, followed him like a lost puppy.

 

"Chris, oh my god, what happened?" He asked, rubbing his right ear.

 

"Do you really fucking think I'm this dumb? Are you actually testing me?" Chris looked into Darren's eyes fully now, and he could see the flow of different emotions happening all at once in Darren's face. "I can be a little dumb, of course, I can be really oblivious, really fucking oblivious! I can be the most ridiculous man ever, I can be all this. But don't test me, Darren Criss. You have no right to destroy what took me so long to build up just for you." Chris was on the verge of the tears and he could see through his blurred eyes that Darren was shifting in his spot, aching to hold Chris, but knowing he couldn't.

 

"I--What are you talking about, Chris? I--"

 

"I saw it, Darren!" Chris threw his arms in the air. "Did you really think I wouldn't?" Angry tears were falling like a waterfall, his body trembling again, and his voice was so heavy that every word felt like a whole sentence. "People know me just like they know you. You don't want to carry me around. You can't carry me around as your boyfriend, okay, I understand, but please...Please, don't make me feel like I'm a housewife that waits for her man to come home, expecting he's working when he's actually with someone else." Chris sobbed and pulled his knees up, closing himself into a little ball as he cried. He was tired, he felt like he had nothing else to say and he couldn't care less that he was crying in front of Darren; he was tired of trying to hide his pain.

 

"Shit, Chris, please, listen. It's not-- There is no way...I--", Darren was trying to find words, of course he was, but even he knew there was no excuse. "It's part of my job. I thought we agreed on that mess as soon as we got togeth--"

 

"Fuck you!" Chris got up in a matter of seconds, his face falling even more. "Is it part of my job to watch you hooking up with that bitch in front of everybody? Is it part of your job to watch me hold hands with my assistant? Is it part of our fucking job pretending not to be ourselves? Is it, really? 'Cause as far as I'm concerned I don't remember signing up for this shit. And is it part of your job to show the world just how fucking happy and loose you are with your girlfriend that you have to kiss open-mouthed in front of every fucking person and media we know? So don't--Don't play this shitty card on me." Chris' voice had gone from low to high and weird because of the sobs that were threatening to escape. He let his body fall and sat on the coffee table in front of Darren. 

 

"Will you let me explain?" Darren looked at him sadly, his eyes red-rimmed and shining with tears that were threatening to fall, his lower lip trembling and his fingers scratching his other hand.

 

"No. I don't wanna fight and call you names. I don't wanna cry anymore in front of you. You just destroyed me. All of me. Now I just pray to a God I don't even believe in just to help me to catch the rest of me and rebuild myself. I feel like I have a lot to say to you, but at the same time, I feel like I have nothing else to say, no strength to speak anymore." Chris sniffed and he could see Darren's face scrunching as his tears fell and marked his pants.  
Darren ducked and shook his head, not quite believing what he was hearing.  
"I don't even know anything anymore, I feel like I lost everything, I feel...numb and empty. You're gonna be alright, I know that. You have lots of friends who will be eager to help you." 

While Chris was speaking, Darren sobbed a few times, still shaking his head, his hands now tugging on his hair, pulling it hard. 

Chris inhaled deeply. "I want you to leave. It's inevitable we will see each other, so see you on Monday at work." And with that, Chris got up and used everything that was left in him to drag him to the bedroom on the second floor.  
As he was turning to start climbing the stairs, Darren went after him. 

 

"Chris, no, please, please, don't do this to us. Please, baby, we can make it right, I can--I can-- I can tell them to fire her, I can--We can--please!" He was sobbing uncontrollably, tugging on Chris' shirt, crushing his face against Chris' chest and he kept mumbling 'please, baby, please' and Chris was almost sure Darren had forgotten what he was apologizing for. 

 

Chris just stayed still, not moving or flinching while Darren was turning into a pool of tears in front of him. He could feel his shirt getting wet and tried his hardest not to break just as much as Darren was breaking near him. 

Chris inhaled sharply and with the last vestiges of his voice, he whispered, "Stop, let me go." 

With that, Darren's grip loosened as he fell slowly to the floor. Chris watched that and if it were possible, his heart broke even more, leaving nothing to be rebuilt. 

 

Chris dragged himself to the spare bedroom beside his and Darren's. Then he locked the door, leaving no reasons for Darren to bother him. He felt like he was dead, and he couldn't decide whether that was good or overwhelmingly bad. 

 

He fell asleep thinking whether he should take back everything he said and just leave it all behind or if his decision was as right as it seemed, even though he had to break one of the most precious things in his life.

 

When Chris woke up, he really hoped Darren had left already, so that could save them more disappointment, more tears and more heartbreak, if that were possible. He left the bed lazily, his body feeling too heavy and he was too tired, even if it looked like it was already evening, the sunlight no longer coming through the curtain like earlier. Chris got out of the room and sighed. He didn't know if it was a relieved sigh because the house sounded too quiet, like Darren wasn't there anymore, or if it was because he was too sad to admit he missed his boyfriend or rather ex-boyfriend. He opened his bedroom door slowly and gasped as soon as he did so. Chris found Darren seating at the edge of the bed, his back shaking slightly while broken sobs escaped his lips. The bitter sound ran through Chris' spine, leaving him breathless. A few tears formed in his eyes already as he held himself tightly to not just jump on the bed and hug Darren, telling him everything would be okay as soon as possible.

 

"Da-Darren?" Chris whispered, afraid of startling him. He walked slowly, touching Darren's right shoulder.

 

"I-I'll leave a-as s-oon as po-possible", he said between broken sobs and sniffed a couple times.   
He wasn't lying, though. There were two huge suitcases and a duffel bag next to Darren's feet. One of them was open and Chris could see how full it was; everything that belonged to Darren was inside the two bags. Chris didn't know that he started crying until he felt the hot tears running down his face and his chin quivered. He bit his lip too hard, trying to not let out a broken sob. 

He wondered why Darren hadn't closed the bag yet. Then he saw Darren bending down, and before he closed the luggage, Chris could see what he had put in there: a framed picture from the last vacation they had when they were at the beach. The picture was nothing beautiful, if not the weirdest they had ever taken. Chris had his face scrunched in a big smile, showing all his teeth, while the wave behind them formed a beautiful shape. Darren had his eyes wide and couldn't decide if he would laugh or be baffled and Chris remembered why he had this face. The moment that Darren was about to click on the button so the picture would be perfect, a girl ran to them, shouting their names. She was just a few footsteps away when she stumbled on the sand and fell, probably eating sand and burning her face in it. Darren had been eager to help the girl, who suddenly looked mortified when she saw who was helping her and didn't say a word. She only cleaned herself and ran away from them as quickly as possible. Chris still didn't know why they have framed this picture and put it on their nightstand when there were a million pictures better than that, but then he remembered when Darren had proudly put it there and smiled big, saying that Chris had the most beautiful smile in this picture and Chris could only agree on that. It had been the perfect day, after all. 

 

A pang in his chest informed Chris he was more conflicted now than ever. All those good memories and their difficult but beautiful story was about to end because of one fucking night. But he had made his decision and wasn't taking back this quickly; it would give him and Darren time to think about what they really wanted. He just wasn't sure if he was ready to say it out loud to Darren. It all sounded too childish and he was afraid it would make him look and sound younger than he felt right now.

 

Chris sat on the bed behind Darren, debating with himself if he should touch him or not, but then the moment was broken when Darren's bare back tensed and he turned around to really look at Chris. He gasped at the sight before him. Darren was a wreck, his hair wilder he had ever seen, as if he had abused it from pulling on it too much. His eyes were bloodshot, wide and he looked lost. Chris could see there was so much pain in Darren right now and all he wanted to do was kiss him and make it vanish. Darren's lips were red, maybe because he had bit them all day. Chris turned his gaze away and it fell on the giant window in front of them, it really was night, maybe 8 or 9pm., while thinking what the fuck he had done to them.

 

It wasn't his fault, though.

 

"I've---" Darren started and coughed a little. 

Chris turned his attention back to Darren, who looked down and then continued talking. 

"I've been waiting for you to wake up so we could talk. Not that we have anything left to say, I understand now. It's just that--", he sighed. "I won't try and explain anything and I know you don't wanna see me for a long time in real life, not like Kurt and Blaine, so...I just waited for you so I can say that." He swallowed hard and looked into Chris' eyes. "I'm taking Cooper with me." Darren said it so fast and so low that Chris had to think about it for a little while so he could really understand.

 

"What?" His voice was so high-pitched it must've echoed through entire house. "You are not! You can't be---this--insane. No, no, no, you must be kidding me. You don't even have anywhere to stay. It's MY dog. he's going to live with me. We're not arguing on that. We're so not doing this! you're not-- fucking with my head again. no, Darren Criss, you're not--You're--not", Chris was hyperventilating, something he couldn't control this one when he had string feelings. He felt like he was about to faint; he was so nervous that he thought he was losing consciousness and he felt lightheaded, his body floated as he lost it all.

 

Chris wasn't used to fainting anymore, he hadn't fainted in a long time, but in high school it happened almost everyday. Since he got out of Clovis and started a light brand new life in Los Angeles, he had forgotten how awful it felt. 

 

He woke up feeling dizzy, a heat above him and lips on his wide-open mouth as someone also pressed against his nose. Chris felt the need to puke since too much air was getting into his body as he gained life again. He blinked a few times and as blurred vision became clear, he could see Darren was saving him with mouth-to-mouth care.  
It took him a few seconds to realize what had happened, but when it fell on him, he pushed Darren off of him with a strength he didn't know he had. Chris turned into a little ball, as he pushed himself to the headboard, pulling up his knees and embracing himself. His lips trembled as he tried not to cry and he looked at Darren like he was a monster.

 

"Don't touch me", he whispered, a few tears rolling down his face.

 

"I don't know what happened", Darren muttered desperately, passing his trembling hands through his hair.

 

"You just destroyed me!" Chris yelled, throwing his hands in the air. "I'm this close to hating you." He put his fingers next to each other to show how little patience had left for Darren.

 

"I-- You can't blame me if you can't deal with your own shit!" Darren said loudly, startling Chris. "I said I'm taking the dog and you just fainted! How is that supposed to make me feel? How do I even act on it?" He got out of the bed.

 

"My own--" Chris shook his head, not believing what he was hearing. "You're stupid. Get away from here." He muttered.

 

"Maybe it's better! Maybe I can go running back to that hot hooker I attend all the events with and fuck her senseless!" Darren had a devious smile that didn't reach his eyes. His words were like knives stabbing Chris a million times a second; he didn't sound anything like the Darren that Chris knew.

 

"What the fuck?-- Get out! And if you touch Cooper, I'll--I'll--"   
Chris didn't know what he would do and that was what killed him, actually, because Cooper was a gift that he gave to Darren on his birthday the previous year.

 

"What are you gonna do? Now I see. Maybe I don't love you", he said with an arched eyebrow. 

Chris gasped at that and fought the urge to slap Darren's face.

 

"Fuck you. You're being an asshole! Why don't you just go?" Chris yelled. The angry tears wouldn't leave his eyes.

 

"Because I want you to feel the pain I'm feeling right now!" Darren placed a hand in his heart and closed it into a fist.

 

"You wouldn't have to be feeling this pain right now if you were a little less dumb or were more loyal to me!" Chris jumped up from the bed, taking Darren's shirt that was next to him. He threw it at him fiercely and bit his lip hard.

 

"I feel like I have nothing left here", Darren muttered, putting the shirt on.

 

"Maybe I don't love you either. I don't care. I just want you to go!" Chris sobbed with a force that almost made him bend down.

 

"I--I--Fuck you, Chris Colfer," Darren said in a voice that sounded nothing like him as he caught up his things and left. 

 

Chris sat on the ground next to their bed and cried his heart out. He didn't even care how loud it was; he just wanted to cry his pain away. The last thing he heard was Darren whistling and murmuring things, probably to Cooper, the sound of the door closing. Chris looked around and saw the things that were missing and cried even louder.

 

It was over now. For real.

 

Chris knew it was real because even though he and Darren used to fight hard, they had never gotten to the edge of one of them walking away from the other's life. 

 

The next morning, Chris moped around the house, missing Cooper. Even Brian seemed to miss the dog because he spent all day lying on the dog's bed meowing nonstop, making Chris go nuts as he almost shouted to the cat to just stop. 

 

Everything crumbled down on Monday morning when he arrived on set and the first thing he saw was Darren walking, no, dragging himself around. A few people came to greet Chris, and screamed in horror as they saw his face, shouting to the make-up people to try and make a miracle on Chris' face.


	2. We Can't Take It Anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again, guys!  
> I'm still new to it, but let's cross our fingers and hope I get better at it someday!

It's been two months now.

Darren never called, nor had he tried to approach Chris. Everything was terrible whenever they did a scene together; they could never say their speeches right so Ryan and the others would get nervous and irritated at them. They took each one of the guys aside separately and sternly told them they needed to be more professional.

But Darren and Chris couldn't stand to be around each other. It hurt too much for both of them. Chris started skipping work. After that, Ryan lost his patience and threatened to fire Chris. That was something Chris couldn't afford to do.

Chris couldn't write, eat or sleep properly. Of course people noticed as he started losing weight and was turning to a Diet Coke addict.

He missed his dog, he missed Darren, he missed everything he had and it seemed like a lot more than two months.  
-  
Chris received a new script one afternoon and started reading it, stopping abruptly when he saw a series of scenes between he and Darren. Together.

He called Ryan right after that and it only rang two times before he answered.

"Chris, is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I..." Chris cleared his throat. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Why did you put Kurt and Blaine like that? I can see it all already. Me having to spend, what? Like, three days trapped in a freaking elevator! I can't. I just--can't." His voice had switched from high to just a whisper in a matter of a few words.

"Umm...Yeah. We--we had to do this, Chris. The fans crave  Klaine. They want you two together." In that moment, he wasn't sure if Ryan was talking about "Klaine" or their real life relationship otherwise called "CrissColfer".

"Yeah, but that doesn't have to mean I have to spend three days or more facing my freaking ex!" Chris said, exasperatedly running a hand through his hair. Brian meowed next to him and jumped off the couch.

"Yes, it does. I told you it would happen, but you and Darren decided against me. Now it's the price you two have to pay. You two are very good actors, so just do what you do best. See you in two days. Please, please, don't fuck up the words, come prepared, eat a little, stop drinking Coke like it's water and get some sleep, okay?"

And with that, Ryan simply hung up the call, leaving Chris numb in the middle of his living room, his script in one hand and his cellphone in the other, clutching to both of them tightly. He sighed deeply and threw both of the things onto his coffee table. Then he dragged himself to his bedroom.

The house seemed too big and too cold.

Of course Chris' insomnia wouldn't let him sleep and, in nights like that, he really thought about fooling himself and calling Darren. He never stopped wondering what Darren was  doing,including if he was seeing someone... Chris had deactivated all the things that had him connected to Darren or the events he attended. He didn’t even watch TV anymore, so it was like he was living in a different universe.

He opened a document on his laptop, craving to write something but nothing came, leaving him angry and crying for the tenth time that day.  
  
Chris had tried really hard to memorize his lines, but the lack of food and sleep wouldn't let his brain function properly. There was also something stronger bothering him: he was missing his things. Not _his_ things necessarily but his family: Cooper, Darren and the life they had and the home they had built together. He was feeling empty and he didn't even know how he was still standing.

The day they had to shoot, he drove to the set and ran to his trailer, closing the door behind him and almost moaning when he smelled coffee all over the room. He looked around and there were a few homemade pancakes covered with chocolate sauce on a plate and a cup of Starbucks coffee beside it. He looked puzzled; everything looked like it had just been put there. He sat on his couch and his stomach growled. In that moment, Chris had forgotten everything he'd learned about good manners; he acted like a starving homeless man and ate everything in less than two minutes. After that perfect breakfast, a wave of sleep fell on him despite the coffee he'd just had and he succumbed to that, the couch suddenly feeling like the best place he could sleep.

Chris didn't know exactly how much time he slept, but he only awoke when he felt a wet thing sniffing him, licking him and making him giggle. It seemed a lot like Cooper, including the smell of the thing that was next to him. It all felt like a wonderful dream.

"Stop, Coop!" Chris warned, still laughing and scrunching his face. He thought he might be sleepwalking, his mind playing a terrible joke on him because he missed his dog so much.

 

And then the _thing_ barked.

Chris really woke up alarmed, almost jumping off the couch. His body took time to recover while his heart beat so fast that he thought he might be dying. He put a hand on his chest in attempt to calm down and took a few deep breaths. When his vision finally cleared up, he saw what had startled him.

It really was Cooper, his dog that he's missed so much. Cooper who was so clean, breathing fast, his tongue falling out of his mouth, and his eyes shining even in the dim light of the trailer. He barked again and jumped on Chris who got to him just in time, screaming and hugging the dog with such force the pet almost whined.

"Oh, my god! Coop! You look so beautiful, so happy! Is papa taking good care of you? Is he? Daddy missed you so much!" Chris didn't realize he was crying tears of happiness until then so he buried his face in his dog and smiled so widely that his mouth hurt.

Chris knew he missed Cooper, of course, when Darren took the dog with him. Chris felt like a divorced mother who shared custody of her son and had to watch him walk away with his father, it was like a real part of him had been gone since that day, but as every person who loses something, he focused on the thought that maybe he could live without it.

He held Cooper as long as the dog allowed him to. As soon as the pet got tired of being still, he spun around until he was out of Chris' embrace and licked his face again. Then Cooper tilted his head to the side and watched Chris intently.

"You must be thinking why your daddy is so cray-cray, right? Yeah, I ask myself this all the time," Chris said, shaking his head to himself.

He looked at the clock on the coffee table in front of him and found it very weird that nobody had come to look for him yet but he decided he didn't want to cause any more trouble for himself and the crew. He didn’t want to waste any more shooting time so he thought where the hell he would store Cooper while shooting without the dog eating everything he saw. Chris looked around and everything seemed pretty edible for Cooper, even the arm of the leather couch he was chewing on right now. Chris shook his head and took the pet's leash thinking that if he took the dog for a walk, maybe Cooper would feel tired enough to sleep until Chris came back. When he opened his trailer door, he didn't expect to see a guy standing there.

"Uh...hello? Are you lost?" Chris asked sympathetically, holding Cooper by his side.

"Ah, hi Mr. Colfer. I'm Avan and I'm here to take care of your dog while you're filming." The guy extended a hand in Chris' direction who took it and shook it immediately.

"Oh...okay." Chris was finding this day really unusual. Though he didn't know if he wanted to cry in happiness or go around asking who decided to be his personal Santa Claus today. "Uh...Can you tell me who sent you here?" He asked while giving Cooper's collar to the guy.

"Sorry, sir, even I don't know. I was just told to come here, wait for you to co--come out of your trailer and take good care of Cooper, the guy said, giving Chris a sad smile. "But I promise I--I--I will do my best for your dog, Mr. Colfer." The guy, Avan,  looked pretty nervous, stuttering within the words and his hands were trembling like he was having an attack. In other situations, Chris would kid around with the guy, saying something to make him even more nervous, but now he wasn't up for jokes, so he tried to settle the guy down.

"Don't worry, Avan, I'm sure you'll be great to Cooper, but just be aware he's not an usual dog, he’s really excited and likes to play a lot,  so... Yeah, only that and feed him, give him water from time to time and everything will be alright, okay?" Chris put his hand on the guy's shoulder and gave him a warm smile. "Well, I've gotta go now. Did the person who talked to you say what time you should bring him back?"

"No, they just told me it would take the whole day and to go through the night if they needed it, but I said that that was okay." Avan smiled back at Chris reassuringly.

"Alright, so thank you very much. See you in a few," Chris said and went down to talk to his dog once more. "Hey, buddy, so Daddy has to work but I think you'll do great with your new friend Avan, right?" Chris patted Cooper's head and body a few times and the dog wagged his tail rapidly. "Good boy! Daddy loves you. And wish me luck 'cause now I have to spend the rest of the day with the asshole that is your Papa." Chris sighed at that and shook his head, scratching behind Cooper's ears and kissing his head. When Chris got up, the guy in front of him handed a paper card to him.

"I-it's my phone number and the PetHouse's phone number. If anything happens and I'm not here by the time filming ends, you can call." The guy took a deep breath and Chris still found it funny when people got nervous next to him and because of him only because he was an actor.

"Okay, thank you." Chris took the card and put it in his pocket, smiling at the guy again, patting Cooper's head once more and walking away to the makeup/dressing room.  
  
Chris had all his lines memorized in his head, so why when his eyes fell on Darren walking out of the makeup room dressed as Blaine Anderson, did he suddenly forget even his name?

"Hi, Chris" Darren muttered as he exited the trailer. He gave a weak smile and tried to keep some distance between them, unsure whether or not he was allowed to touch Chris.

"Was it you?" Chris asked, turning to Darren's side so hard and so fast that he took two steps back.

"What?" Darren's eyes were wide, shining so deeply green under the bright white lights.

"Was it you who did all this today? Breakfast, Cooper...What do you want? I'm not coming back to you." Chris mumbled the last sentence because it hurt too much to say out loud; it was also carried with the fear of Darren saying he didn't want him either.

"I'm not trying to buy you, it's just." He ran a hand through his gelled hair. "Since we are shooting together all day stuck in a closed space with nowhere to go and no chance of not talking to each other, I thought we could at least try to be less bitter around each other. I--I heard you weren't getting enough sleep or enough food so I thought I could help you a little. Not like you need me, of course, I just don't want to see you like that because of me or because of something stupid I did. You're precious, Chris and I wish I could say you're mine, but...I can't. Not anymore. And I'm trying to carry my own shit, but I'm not handling it very well.”

 

“Okay,” Darren continues, “I won't be here taking your time babbling about how my life sucks without you. I just want you to know that Cooper whines nonstop every day when it's close to the time you used to come home after work and when I told him we were going to see you, it was like he knew. That dog is so weird," Darren said thoughtfully. "He always has this look like I stole something from him, so I'm leaving him with you if you still want him. It's gonna fucking hurt , but it's not my place to do this with you or him because he's always been used to having you around more than having me around so no. I love you two too much to hurt both of you even more." He said the last part quietly and looked down, his ears getting red.

Chris was taken aback with Darren's words. He didn't know his ex felt shitty about their situation, apparently suffering as much as Chris himself had been. Chris felt his eyes glistening with tears that were about to fall, but he held them; he couldn't cry now.

"Thank you," he said, taking a deep breath and fighting the urge to hug Darren. Beneath all the makeup, Chris could almost see the bags under Darren's eyes and he would have felt pity if he weren't worse.

They nodded and shrugged as Chris entered and Darren left, always seeming to mirror each other.

Chris sat on the comfortable armchair in front of the mirror and closed his eyes before getting the chance to take a look at himself and start whining about how bad he looked and all his imperfections. He threw his head back and waited until three girls came in and started working on him.

When Chris looked at the the mirror again, he wasn't himself anymore. His freckles no longer showed and his face had life again. His hair wasn't disheveled anymore; it was high and perfectly in place. He took a deep long breath and tilted his head to the side, leaving the rest of him behind for now.

"Hello, Kurt Hummel." He said to himself.

On the set, people around him were extremely nice and careful. Not that he was ever mistreated in this place, far from it. But the way people were treating him today, everyone from the makeup people to the camera crew and the directors looked at him lovingly, placing a hand on his shoulder or squeezing him every time someone passed by him. It wasn't that he didn't like it; it  just felt odd.

Chris decided that people were probably worried about him and not about what this scene could bring.

He talked to some people around to figure out where he should stand and he was told to let the scene flow.

The schedule was that they would follow the sequence in which scenes would be aired. Chris sighed and moved to the place where he would find Darren. No, not Darren. Blaine. Blaine Anderson. Yes, Kurt Hummel was accidentally running into Blaine Anderson and they innocently would get in a fake elevator. Together.

Chris sighed again as everybody took their places and the director shouted, "Action!"

 

It was show time.

  
Chris was in such a good mood, probably from the gifts that Darren gave him, that the scene flowed perfectly on the first try. Still, the director wasn’t satisfied to they had to walk to the fake elevator and have a short conversation for a few more takes. Then they sighed and stopped when the director decided the first one was actually the best.

 

Kurt and Blaine's chemistry just as Chris and Darren's chemistry was something that no one could really see, but everybody could feel it; Chris and Darren themselves could feel it, too. That's why everything felt so easy between them. And Darren's words kept echoing in Chris' mind: his life sucked without him. Fuck.

The director shouted they could take a break, but  they had to be back in two hours to start  filming inside the elevator. It was then that Chris ran away from the set because that was something he wasn't looking forward to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave kudos and some comments if my story is actually good!


	3. Come Home With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, guys! Thank you so much for joining me in this little journey, I hope you're all liking it so far.  
> I'd like to thank my beautiful and awesome beta Cecilia for just... coming to my life a a christmas gift and for helping me through this, she's amazing.

Chris called the guy, Avan, and asked him to bring Cooper back and to take a two hour break as well.

He spent his time with his dog, playing with him around his trailer, running with him and letting all his worries vanish in his sweat.

It happened that Chris had to finish his break thirty minutes before so he could take a cold shower and go back to the makeup room. Why did he think it was smart to run around the place with his dog and roll on the floor like there was no tomorrow?

-

He was in the elevator now with Darren and a few cameras around the place. The director shouted "action!" again and suddenly it hit Chris that this would be long, so to make it quick, Chris would have to do everything completely perfect.

-

The first couple of scenes were over by 10pm. Chris yawned while he was leaving the set, ready to go to his trailer and pack his things when Darren came running to him.

"Uh, hi." He said, scratching the back of his neck, fidgeting his feet nervously and looking down.

 

"You were amazing today and... Here." he handed down a little paper box to Chris who looked at him puzzled. "I-it's Cooper's medicine. He...he began with this allergy that starts every night. Now it must be on full mode." Chris took the box and shivered a little when his and Darren's hands touched briefly. He realized Darren gasped, too. They exchanged a look where they could almost look through each other and they sighed together.

"I... I really had fun with Coop today. But he's yours-- no, let me speak," Chris said when Darren tried to interrupt. "I gave him to you and that makes him yours. I really miss him and I really--I-I…"

 

Fuck, why was this so hard? Chris' heart was beating fast.

 

"I really miss you, too." He admitted softly, almost mumbling. "And I just can't look at him without being reminding of me and you. I can't." Chris handed the box and when Darren made no move, he took Darren's hand in his and it was like they were both getting electrified. They stared at each other with such force that the entire place where they were standing seemed to have closed around them. They didn't know how much time they spent like that, reconnecting, their blood running through their veins, their hearts beating in the same pace. Chris was the one to break the moment, taking every force he had to cough and put the box in Darren's open hands.

 

"When did he start having that? He was healthy." He let go of Darren and took a step back, resuming a safe distance between them.

"I--I don't know. I just came home from the set one day and he was acting weird, sneezing and coughing and his bark was weird. I took him to the vet and the doctor said it would be because of the dirt, but... My place isn't dirty. So, anyway, I started cleaning the house every day, which is pretty tiring because, you know, sometimes we get out of here like, 3 in the morning, but okay. I did all that and still the things didn't stop, so I took him to another vet and the doctor said it was an allergy. He had a few exams and now he has to take this every night." Darren sighed sadly and Chris' eyes went wet because he knew from the times when Brian got sick that it wasn't easy.

 

"She…the doctor…also said that he must be missing something or someone. I actually told her I took him with me when I left home and she said it must be this. And I think she's right. Coop had Brian and had you around and a bigger house and now all he has is an always sad-looking papa, who mops around all the time he's home, who can never play with him and forgot to feed him one day." At the end of this, Darren was crying and Chris could see it was real, he could feel Darren and how sorry he was.

 

"S-sorry I-I'm so whiny right now, I did-didn't mean to cry in front of you, it's just that it's s-so har-hard failing in everything I do. I-I-I" A broken sob escaped his lips and his legs were failing him and just as he was about to fall, Chris got him in his arms.

"I got you. I'm here Dare-bear, it’s okay, honey, I got you.” Chris mumbled, holding Darren tight and kissing his hair. He rubbed his back softly as the other boy cried loud and achingly, clenching to Chris' shirt like his life depended on it.

There were so many things Chris had to say and now he knew that were a lot more he had to hear, but right now wasn't the moment. Darren has always been fragile and completely open to Chris and just to Chris, but seeing him like that, completely spent, broken and wasted was new and Chris couldn't handle this. That was when he realized he had started crying too.

They stayed like that, holding each other for a while and Chris could feel Darren loosening his hands on his shirt. Darren was a lot calmer now, though he got hiccups due to his meltdown. Darren looked up at Chris and sighed longingly. They stared, taking each other in while their eyes glistening with tears, and finally Darren kissed Chris' neck carefully.

"I-I-I should ge-get go-ing. I'll let Co-op with you, so ma-maybe he does-doesn't have this aller-gy to-today" Darren sniffed and shook his head and let go of Chris with difficulty once the taller boy was having a hard time letting go of him.

"Darren... We...You don't... You know, there's this spare room and, gosh, you look wrecked and you just can't go home like that. Do you... live alone?" The words seemed to take forever to leave Chris' mouth and his question, suddenly, was something he wasn't looking forward to knowing the answer.

"I do. Live alone. Just me and Cooper. It's a rental place next to here, it's not much, but there's no reason to live in a big... house.” Darren took a deep breath before starting this sentence, which helped him to say it without stuttering and Chris felt grateful for it. He then realized that Darren had completely avoided Chris' request. Darren's eyes, always like a wide open window, now showed Chris only sadness. They were puffy and red-rimmed, and he just knew that if he

left Darren alone, at least tonight, tomorrow he'd look worse.

"Listen, uh... Come home with me." Chris mumbled, taking everything in his power to look at Darren's eyes and not break eye-contact. "That way, Cooper gets to be with both of us and you won’t feel... alone. There are... some clothes you left there and you can sleep in the spare room. It kills me to see you like that, so... Let me help you. At least tonight."

Darren sighed sadly, but it gave him a little hope that Chris still cared about him and that he was willing to help him. He didn't have to come back to his place alone. Not tonight. Unable to form a proper sentence, he only nodded and when Chris smiled in relief, Darren almost felt like everything was okay.

He followed Chris, walking a few feet distance and almost smiled when he saw Chris interacting with the pet-shop guy. Chris suddenly undid Cooper's collar and the dog ran to Darren's direction as soon as he was free. Darren kneeled down on the concrete and Cooper threw his front paws to his shoulder like a hug, and Darren hugged him back.

"Hi, buddy. I love you." He muttered as he rubbed the dog's neck.

-

As they reached the parking lot, Darren waited to see whether they would drive separately or if they'd go together. Darren fidgeted his feet as Chris tried to act as normal as he could. He even let Darren carry Cooper so he would feel better. It happened that the allergy Darren had mentioned wasn't in full mode. It was just starting as the dog began to sneeze and whine and walk as close to Darren as possible.

"Does he do it every night?" Chris asked, looking at the scene puzzled, seeing how one was mirroring the other. He felt like he was invading some kind of intimate sadness that only Cooper and Darren shared.

"Yeah. Every night. When I come home he's waiting by door, which is usual, but he doesn't bark or jump. He just waits for me to come in, push me to the couch and lie on my thigh and keeps looking at me with this weirdly sad face. Then he starts to sneeze and his eyes get blood-shot and I'm always alarmed in case he starts to get puffy or stop breathing, I don't know." Darren wasn't stuttering anymore, but he took deep breaths every time he started speaking and was constantly looking at Cooper.

 

"Coop, buddy, papa can't walk with you almost getting inside me.” Darren muttered to the dog as they walked towards Chris' car.

 

"He must have missed this tonight." He looked over at Chris, was right beside him. "Be sitting by the door and waiting for me. Though he looked pretty happy when we got to him just then and I don't like to leave him alone at the place. He deserves a lot more than that." Darren was speaking so low that Chris had to come closer to hear him clearly. He was thankful as he realized Darren wasn't asking questions about which car should he take or if Chris was really sure about what they were doing.

Chris opened the back door and Cooper promptly jumped inside the car. Darren gasped when he opened the passenger's side door in front of him. They stared at each other for a few long seconds and Chris felt his cheeks burning. Fuck, it wasn't cool that even after all these years and all this pain Darren still made him feel like this: a teenage boy beginning his life. Chris shook those thoughts away and smiled bashfully as he walked to the driver's side.

The ride home was relaxing, to say the least. Cooper fell asleep as soon as Chris turned on the engine and he and Darren only exchanged a little information about the dog. Chris asked most of the questions to make sure they didn't need to take him to another vet. After a few minutes, they fell in silence as Darren looked out the window, watching the city passing by. He sighed sadly again as a tear ran down his left cheek. Chris watched him in silence, not sure if he should take his ex-boyfriend's hand or if he should just let him be. He decided against his heart and kept his hands on the steering wheel, holding it tight as his knuckles went white. He focused on the road in front of him and hadn't realized he'd been totally tense until he felt Darren's hand on his. The curly-haired guy looking at him worried.

"Chris, you look tense. Like...really tense." He muttered and Chris shivered by the tone of his voice, combined with Darren's fingers squeezing his knuckles slowly.

"I--I'm sorry, I-I…" He harshly wiped away a tear that had just fallen. He bit his lip in attempt to just stop crying and get home already. They were so close.

Chris stopped abruptly in front of his house, startling Darren and waking up Cooper.

"Sorry, sorry, guys, I'm... Coop, sorry, honey, daddy is just...Fuck.” Chris hissed the last word as he shook his head.

"Was it something I did? I'm sorry I touched you. I-it was just that you were so-so tense and I have no idea how to comfort you. I don't even know if I'm allowed to touch you anymore." Darren whispered and his eyes were, once again, shining under the dim lights of Chris' car as Chris turned to him, as they stared at each other again.

Chris' heart was screaming that Darren could do anything to him any time. That Chris was all his, that they could do whatever they wanted and it was okay because it was right. But he didn't say any of those things. Instead, he let his eyes wander through Darren's face, back to his puffy eyes and then down to his mouth as if taking Darren in, completely.

Chris didn't know when it exactly happened, but his face was now only a couple inches from Darren's. Their lips were so close that if Chris moved in just a little they would touch. Their noses were almost brushing and he placed his hand on one of Darren's cheek. The other boy turned his face to kiss Chris' palm, closing his eyes and oh, those eyelashes. Darren gave Chris' palm a few kisses and then placed it where Chris had put it. They came closer, as if it was even possible and Chris tugged on Darren's hair, now free from the gel as his curls were all almost dried. He let himself get lost a little in the moment, forgetting everything suddenly and treading his fingers through Darren's curls so right and carefully. Darren moaned low, as his lips started to part as if welcoming Chris' lips too. They brushed their noses against the other, without rush and it was perfect.

 

They were just re-knowing each other.

 

Darren's eyelashes brushed against Chris' cheek and he chuckled a little without breaking the moment. They brushed their lips slowly, breathing hard and just as Darren was about to tug on

Chris neck and really kiss him, Cooper barked loudly, breaking the moment completely and bringing the boys back to reality (ouch, reality hurts). He barked again, jumping on the backseat and sneezing at the same time.

 

Chris and Darren let go of each other as if they would burn if they ever touched again. Chris moved a little to see what startled Cooper so much. The dog was now sniffing the car door and putting his paws on the window. It was Brian that was watching them from inside the house and Cooper had managed to either smell him or see him, Chris wasn't sure. He looked at Darren and they exchanged a sad smile, jumping out of the car and opening the door. Cooper abruptly jumped on Brian and the weirdest thing was that the cat didn't seem startled at all. His tail was moving fast and he kept passing his paw on where he could reach Cooper and Chris was sure he'd never seen his anti-social cat acting like that. Not even when he spent weeks away from him.

 

He smiled at the scene and the tension between him and Darren seemed to vanish in the moment Brian came to greet them. He passed between their legs, accepting when Darren bent down to rub his body while Cooper ran around the house, sniffing everything he could, lying on his bed that was still there (Brian refused to sleep anywhere else since the dog went away) and sneezing a few times. He only stopped when the cat sat beside him. Darren laughed loud enough for Chris to hear and a proud sensation of finally doing something right washed over him as he watched his little family interact. He felt like he was floating.

Chris went to change into his pajamas and when he came back to the living room, Darren was already passed out on the couch. Cooper was next to his feet with his head on his papa's thigh and Brian near Darren's head. Yes, pets could really miss someone they loved. Chris watched that for a little while, but felt pity for Darren because when he woke up, his back would kill him from the position he was sleeping.

"Dare, Darrennnn...Dare-bear…” Chris whispered, shaking Darren a little. The sleeping man mumbled a little, but finally opened his eyes, giving Chris a weak smile.

"Am I dreaming?" He mumbled and Chris giggled because, oh fuck, his ex-boyfriend was so adorable.

"No, Sleeping Beauty, but if you spend the night here, say bye-bye to work tomorrow because you won't be able to get up." Chris helped Darren to get up and the pets groaned together, Chris leading Darren to the guestroom as the other boy was literally sleep-walking. As Chris helped Darren to get comfortable on the bed, the other man whined and their faces were too close again. Chris' breath hitched, but he just kissed Darren's forehead and left the room. The animals refusing to leave their other owner as Chris walked out of the room alone.

 

"It's like you two don't even love me anymore." He whispered towards the pets' direction, narrowing his eyes, only receiving a sigh from Cooper and a bitch glare from Brian who got comfortable between Darren's legs.

Chris entered his bedroom and sighed, falling on his giant bed. For one more time, it seemed too cold and too big and he remembered how close to Darren he had been today and dangerous it was.


	4. Why Can't We?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A late merry christmas everyone!  
> One more chapter for you all and I hope you all like it.  
> Thanks for my beautiful and amazing beta who really is an angel. Cecilia, sweetie, I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me, really!
> 
> Well, enjoy.

Chris woke up to the sound of his phone buzzing nonstop and he sighed deeply. He looked at the clock on his wall that read 10:30pm. He then got up like a flashlight and went to the main-suite bathroom, taking a quick shower and dressing himself with the first thing he saw. When he went to work, he didn't care about his outfit as he wouldn’t need it, anyway. He dried his hair and put on a pair of white loose pants and a button-up blue loose shirt with his flip-flops. He looked in the mirror and laughed, feeling like he was in a romantic movie where he was about to get married on the beach. He sighed deeply when he remembered he wasn't getting married any time soon.  

 

He was taken aback when he smelled coffee and toasts coming from the kitchen. He inhaled deeply, taking in the scents and followed the smell. When he arrived there, Darren was humming to himself while working on breakfast. His back was towards Chris as he worked at the frying pan on the stove. Chris took a second to pay attention to what he was humming and almost gasped when he heard Darren was singing-whispering 'Fix You'. Darren wasn't used to singing sad songs, even when he was sad. Chris had only heard him do this once and he didn't even like to remember that time.  

 

"Hey.” Chris placed a hand gently on Darren's shoulder, trying not to startle him, but failing as the other man jumped a little from his touch.   
   
"Hey, Chris. I-I thought you cou-could eat something before heading for work." Chris found it funny and cute when Darren stuttered. It meant he was nervous, which was not something you every day. But, Chris didn't like this stuttering now because right then Darren turned to him and he could see his eyes shining with sadness, the tears he wasn't allowing to fall.    
   
 

"It's okay. We are...kinda late now, you know?" Chris sat on the countertop and stopped breathing while Darren stared at him, taking him in fully.   
   
 

"No-not actually. I... Ryan called and said that we could be there around 12pm." He placed a couple of toasts on a plate and handled it to Chris who took it immediately.   
 

"Oh, that's awesome! It means I'll have time to change this clo-"   
 

"No, don't. You look...gorgeous." Darren whispered, his cheeks turning red and Chris could see the hair on Darren's arms going up.    
   
 

"You changed clothes too. I knew you'd find where I hid those old Michigan t-shirts." Chris said playfully. The mood lightened up eventually and he looked out the giant window to see his dog running around the yard and Brian seated under a tree. "Brian outside?" He asked, jokingly.   
   
 

"Yeah. I opened the door so Cooper would go outside for a while and Brian just followed him mindlessly." Darren asked and stopped by the kitchen counter, looking lovingly at Chris.   
   
 

The breakfast ran light and funny as they talked about everything, ran through the lines of their scenes for the day and left for work together.    
   
 

They didn't say much in the car and went their different ways when they arrived on the set.    
Chris didn't know if it was good or bad that they could still act like friends even if their minds were running wildly.    
   
 

-   
   
 

This day of filming was the lightest they had in a couple months. Darren and Chris' mood helped a lot on their acting and it made everything easier. The scenes were them still in the elevator, joking and playing and being Kurt and Blaine. When they played 'Heads Up', Chris got very confused as he was getting lost in the easiness of the scene and because it felt a lot like it was him and Darren, so he just decided to let it flow.    
 

Chris had decided: they would talk this night and decide if it was the best for them to stay separated or if Darren was willing to try again. Chris surely was giving his best, everything he had once again, all his self-confidence and the confidence in them, so he was sure they had to try again. Because he loved Darren too much to let him go and it killed him to see Darren look like he was about to break at any minute. His eyes were wide, a deep gold-green color as it shone all day long and sometimes, even when everybody around them was laughing, he could see Darren wiping a tear from the corner of his eyes. His face was sad as he kept this fake smile on that looked more painful than if he wasn't smiling at all.   
 

It was past midnight when they left the set, walking side by side. Darren was commenting on how Cooper was fine since the night before when they slept on Chris' house and just as Chris was about to reply, he spotted Darren's assistant and... _her_...Darren's arm candy.   
   
 

"Darren, we haven't heard from you since last week. How are you, bud?" The assistant asked.   
   
 

"I'm...I'm-I'm okay, Ri-Ricky." Darren looked at them weirdly, fighting the urge to take Chris' hand in his and just run out of there.   
   
 

"Hi, Dare!" She said, smiling mischievously, walking seductively at Darren and hugging him tight, kissing his cheek. Chris felt sick watching this scene, so he just spotted his car as quickly as possible and was now studying ways to go there as fast as he could.  

 

"Hi, Chris." She looked at him arching an eyebrow and still hugging Darren. She must've said something else because now even the assistant was talking, but Chris couldn't make out the words and now he could see how wrong he was and how he didn't belong in Darren's life.   
   
 

He didn't notice he had started walking towards his car, ignoring everyone, until he felt Darren's hand on his arm. He flinched and looked at the other man.   
   
 

"Chris, please. I'm-I'm sorry, I..." Darren's eyes were full of tears now and Chris bit his lips, trying to fight his need to just brush it away.   
   
 

"Don't touch me, don't cry in front of me, please, Darren. Just let me go. Go stay with your friends, with your girlfriend, whatever she is, but let me go." Chris sobbed and rushed to his car, leaving Darren numb, stuck on his spot.   
   
The drive home passed in a blur and Chris only realized he had arrived when he heard Cooper's bark. It was like waking up from a dream, a nightmare, to be honest.   
   
 

He parked his car and entered his house, his pets greeting him like they usually did and he didn't realize he had missed them so much until then. Cooper licked his face and brought him to the floor as Brian only purred, passing between Chris' leg. Their welcome hadn't lasted much, though, because they took their places in the front door and Chris watched from the window to see if Darren would be dumb enough to go after Chris after all that. Chris and the pets waited, Cooper shooting Chris expectant looks and when Chris realized Darren wasn't coming, he bent down, caressed the animals and kissed their heads.   
 

"Papa isn't coming home today...again." He whispered sadly, and frowned when Cooper looked at him weirdly and went to sit on his bed, Brian joining him instantly. "You guys are weird." Chris mumbled and went upstairs, shaking his head.   
   
 

He got into his room and changed into his pajamas and laid on his bed. When he was just about to sleep, Brian jumped on his bed, throwing his paws on Chris' belly, meowing and scratching him.   
   
 

"Oh, oh, Bri, okay, okay, you can sleep here." Chris said, waving the cat away and turning on his side. He could hear sneezes really far away as he was going into the beautiful world of sleep, but Brian kept scratching his arm, biting his ear, groaning. "Oh, wow, Bri, you and Cooper are acting really weird! No, I won't call Darren, get used to it. It's just us now." He said bitterly and sat on the bed. "Fuck, okay. What do you want?" Chris thought that maybe Brian was acting like that because he forgot to feed the cat. Yes, of course it was that.    
 

But when Chris got downstairs, he panicked. Brian sat beside Cooper who was lying down on his side, sneezing non-stop. His eyes were bloodshot and a few tears had formed. He couldn't breathe properly and this caused him to whine, his entire body shaking hard.    
 

"Coop, baby!" Chris kneeled beside him, caressing his back, not sure of what to do. The dog let out a cry of pain when he sneezed too strong. "Baby, shh, please, what can I do?" Chris was panicking, of course. Cooper has always been a healthy dog, so he wasn't used to seeing his buddy like that. Chris could feel his dog was suffering. He thought for a little while, but Brian groaning at him made him even more nervous.  

"Stop, Brian! I know, I'm trying to think." Chris hissed, passing a hand through his hair, shaking as well. "Okay, Chris, think." He mumbled to himself and the dog whined again. Chris acted on impulse. He took his cellphone and dialed Darren's number, hoping that his ex wouldn't be too busy, so their dog wouldn't die.    
   
 

It rang only two times and Darren answered in a sleepy voice:   
   
 

"Chris? Gosh, I'm so happy you called! I--"   
   
 

"Shut up and listen! Cooper is--he is---I don't know, he just... His medicine. I need his medicine now!" Chris was shouting and sounding despaired, but he couldn't care less, he only needed his dog to be okay.   
   
 

"Chris, calm down. What's up with him?" Darren tried to sound calm, but there was a hint of worry in his voice.   
   
 

"He--he...Calm down, buddy, daddy's here." Chris whispered to Cooper, brushing his back softly.  

   
 

"He's sneezing non-stop, crying maybe? I didn't even know dogs cried! He looks like he's dying, he's getting all puffy, oh my god, Darren, he's getting puffy! Come here and give his medicine now!"    
   
 

"Chris, please, calm down!" Darren said, but it was useless because Chris didn't seem to be listening to him, only whispering to his dog, like it could even make it better.  

 

"Chris, when he had this crisis the first time, I panicked just like you are panicking now. Listen to me, are you listening?" Chris nodded even though Darren couldn't see him. "So, put him in your car, come here with him and open the windows of your car, he'll feel a little better. He can't walk, so, you'll have to carry him. When you get here, we'll give him the meds and if he doesn't feel better, we'll have to miraculously find a vet that'll see him at this time of the night." Chris nodded to Darren's instructions.   
   
 

"I'll hang up here, thank you, Darren. See, buddy? You'll feel better!" Cooper whined and sneezed again. "Text me your address and I'll be there as soon as possible." Chris hung up the call and put his cellphone in his pajama pocket, using all his force to take the big dog in his arms.    
   
 

Chris felt like he had become two people while he balanced Cooper who was still shaking in his arms that was also shaking as he opened the back door of his car. He put the dog inside lying down as comfortable as he could.  He got in the driver's seat and turned on the engine, opening the windows, taking one last look at the house where Brian was seated inside, by the door.   
   
 

Chris passed the first few minutes looking between the rearview and the road in front of him, constantly checking up on Cooper. The dog was breathing heavy and slowly now. His sneezes were a little calmer, but he looked like he was about to pass out.   
   
 

"You'll be okay, buddy." He muttered and then his cellphone rang. He pressed the button on his steering wheel and accepted the call. "Hello."   
   
 

"Hi, how is he doing?" Darren's voice was extremely comforting and Chris sighed, looking at his dog again.   
   
 

"He's...calmer. But still puffy, I can't even see his eyes anymore." Chris said, his voice hoarse from crying.    
   
 

"Calm down, Chris, it's okay. Where are you?"  

"Almost there, I guess." He sniffed and wiped his tears.    
   
 

After that, neither he nor Darren hadn't said anything. They just stayed there, listening to each other's breaths through the phone.   
   
 

The most comforting thing to Chris was when he arrived at Darren's place, the other man was already there, waiting for them on the sidewalk. Chris jumped from his car quickly and opened the back door, letting Darren take Cooper easily in his arms. The dog sniffed Darren's neck and whined again.   
   
 

"Okay, buddy, daddy and papa are here, no need to be sad anymore. We love you." Darren mumbled and kissed Cooper's neck.   
   
 

They got into Darren's place and Darren put Cooper on the couch, caressing him as the dog leaned into his touch.    
   
 

"His meds, Darren, please." Chris whined and Darren took a pill out of nowhere and put into Cooper's mouth. The dog swallowed it and put his head on Darren's thigh.   
   
 

"Why don't you sit next to him?" Darren asked calmly and Chris did as he was told. Under all the calm in Darren's voice, Chris could feel he was as despaired as he was: his hair was disheveled and his eyes were as wide as before.   
   
 

"Are you okay?" Chris muttered as he put Cooper's legs on his thighs.    
   
 

"I should ask you that, right? It's...just funny how every time we're not... Cooper gets this. It's weird, actually. The doctor said it must be depression. When a dog's life changes completely and too fast, it tends to happen." Darren moved to the side and wet his hand in a bowl. Then he passed his fingers on Cooper's mouth.   
   
 

"How do you... know all that? I was panicking and now Coop looks so... in peace." Chris sighed, feeling like it's the only thing he's been doing since he and Darren broke up.   
   
 

"After all the nights he scared the hell outta me, I just had to learn or let something awful happen to him. I chose to learn, of course." He repeated the action a few times and smiled at Cooper when he licked his owner's hand. "He's drinking water now, you know, since he can't really get up."   
   
 

They fell in silence and watched as the dog came back to his normal size, his eyes back to its normal color and breathing normally again. Cooper looked at both of his dads and closed his eyes.   
   
 

"Is he...is he allowed to sleep?" Chris asked alarmed. Darren chuckled a little and nodded.   
   
 

"Yes, he won't die or faint, he's just tired. Now we have to let him rest and tomorrow he'll be the same again."   
   
 

"Gosh, I thought he would die. I just---god.” Chris let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding.   
   
 

They waited a little more and Darren was the one to break the silence.   
   
 

"Do you want some water?" He asked, getting up from to couch, placing a cushion under Cooper's head.   
   
 

"Yes, please." Chris nodded and followed Darren to the kitchen.   
   
 

Chris sat on the chair next to the kitchen table as Darren placed a glass of water in front of him.  

   
"I...I hope I didn't bother you...You weren't busy, were you?" Chris looked around and took a long sip of his water.   
   
 

"No, of course not. I left Ricky and his friend by themselves there and ran back here. I don't... I can't. Not anymore. Not after what I did to us." Darren leaned on the refrigerator and sighed.   
   
 

"You don't have to explain anything to me, you know that." Chris muttered, guilty.   
   
 

"It's not an obligation. I want to explain things to you. Can't you see things aren't working out with us apart?" When Darren looked up at Chris' eyes, the younger man was taken back by the force of Darren's eyes, the way they shone under the lights, so pleading and hurt.   
   
 

"I know, but maybe... You know what, Darren? Maybe you or your hideous assistant or the project of a girlfriend or the world doesn't accept us two together because we're two guys, but I couldn't care less. We were so happy. But now I'm used to the fact that you'll never be a hundred percent mine. I'll always have to share you with someone else. I was okay, but then you and her had to screw everything up." Chris sniffled and Darren got close to him.   
   
 

"Chris, I--"   
   
 

"It's okay, Darren, you know... Maybe it means that we've been wrong all this time. People used to say we would never work out as a real couple and we should have listened to them. Now, it's killing me and it's killing you and it's killing our pets that are like two sons to us. And for what?" He shook his head, putting his glass aside.   
   
 

"Chris, nothing in this world made me happier than living with you and being yours for all these years. I want you to know what I'd do anything in my power to bring us back. Chris, I lo--"   
   
 

"No, Darren, I think there is no coming back. Not this time. It hurts because we're constantly together, but when we're not anymore, it'll be a part of the healing process." Chris knew he was lying, but he refused to say otherwise.   
   
 

"But, Chris, I love you!" Chris gasped at these words. Even Darren's breath hitched as they stared at each other, shocked and unable to speak.   
   
 

"I don't believe you." It was the only thing that came out of Chris' mouth, harshly, hurting, like two stabs on Darren's chest. Chris would never pass as weak, so he would never say that after almost three months without hearing Darren say it, he thought he would never hear it again. It was so relieving, so perfect, but the moment was so wrong.   
   
 

"W-what?" Darren asked in disbelief.   
   
 

"Why don't you show me how much you love me?" Chris got up from the chair and suddenly his and Darren's faces were only a few inches apart.   
   
 

"Tell me how." Darren whispered, a tear rolling down his left cheek and Chris passed his thumb, brushing it off softly.   
   
 

Chris was almost losing it. It was a war happening inside of him. His heart and body screaming "yes, please" and his mind doing its best to control the situation. Chris knew if he allowed it, it would lead to more heartache and it was just too much.   
   
 

Tears started falling one by one, until it was too much and he started to cry and sob uncontrollably in Darren's arms. He let it all out, even more broken than he'd seen Darren the other day. He didn't care. He was still worried sick about Cooper and there was Darren, who Chris was sure was someone really important in his life and who he couldn't afford to lose and, even then, there he was, going away. It was too much and Chris hadn't even tried to hold himself anymore.   
   
 

Darren held him as long as he could, lulling him, singing quietly in his ears. Chris didn't know when they went to the floor, he just knew he was embraced in Darren like a scared child and tried to feel ashamed, but couldn't because Darren's arms were too good to let go.   
   
 

"Tell me how I can show you that I love you, Chris, baby." Darren whispered and Chris sniffed one last time. He took a deep breath, fighting with his own body before getting up from Darren's lap. The other man looked at him puzzled.   
   
 

"Show it to yourself. Show some respect, Darren. Get out of this cage. I'm not asking you to go suddenly walking hand-in-hand with me, no... I'm just asking you to think and see if that's the life we deserve to have. Pretend we don't even know each other? People aren't dumb, some fans even know and they fight about it because they know... They just... But I'm not talking about them. If you love me, then take me. But take me fully, no regrets, no shame." Chris let out his breath and bit his lip. Darren looked at him sadly and looked so tiny from where he was sitting, tears running down his face.  

 

"I need to go." Chris started to head out of the kitchen when Darren got up quickly and held his arm.    
 

"Please, don't go." He almost begged and if it was even possible, Chris' heart cracked where it was already broken. 

 

"It-it's late, it's-it's three in the morning, stay, please." Darren's voice wavered and it was like a punch in Chris' face.   
   
 

"I can't. I-I...I have to feed Brian, he must be starving." At least he wasn't lying, he hadn't fed his cat yet and he wouldn't let him get hungry enough to get sick. One sick pet was more than enough.   
   
 

Chris didn't think much. He let go of Darren's hand and walked to the living room, bending down and caressing Cooper who looked a lot better. The dog opened his eyes and licked Chris' face. 

   
"Hey, buddy, daddy's going home, okay? Now you're better and you get to stay with papa. I love you, baby." Chris kissed the dog's head and just when he was almost out of the house, he looked at the entrance of the kitchen and saw Darren leaning against the doorframe, looking exhausted. Chris just wanted to run to him and jump on him and say everything would be alright, but he didn't.   
 

"Are you sure, Chris? Stay, please.” The cry in his voice only made everything worse. Unable to say anything, Chris only shook his head and left.   
 

He entered into his car and the ride, once again, passed in a blur. As he was on auto-pilot, Chris got in his house, mumbled a few things to Brian, put food and water in his bowls and collapsed on his bed, not sure how he got there so quickly. He closed his eyes, thinking about Darren's words: _Chris, I love you_! Chris was too much of a coward to say it back, afraid he'd get even more hurt.   
 

If anyone asked, Darren would never say he spent the night seated beside his dog, on the floor, crying over Chris. He was not sure he would be able to even go to work tomorrow, only to see him walking away again.   
 

 


	5. I Love You Too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, babes!  
> I'm still here, thank you for everyone who's reading.  
> Thank you my beautiful and awesome beta who amazes me everyday. Cecilia, you're the best <3
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy

Chris woke up feeling like shit again. What a usual feeling for him at these times. He glanced at the clock on his wall, and it read 6:50 am.

 

 _Way to start a Friday_ , he thought.

 

Chris sighed and got up from his bed, dragging himself to his bathroom, taking a long hot shower to try and relax and prepare himself for the shitty day he was about to have. He stayed under the spray for what felt like hours before gaining strength to get out. Chris put on his black yoga pants, a white tank top and covered it up with a giant gray hoodie. He didn't even dare to look at himself in the mirror; he knew he'd be looking terrible. Chris dragged himself to the kitchen, barefoot, and prepared a bowl with mixed cereals and yogurt. He also poured cat food into Brian's bowl and arched an eyebrow as the cat jumped on the table and sat in front of him. His tail was wagging from side to side slowly as he was giving Chris his best bitch glare.

 

 

"What?" Chris asked with his mouth full. "I just put your breakfast, eat it." When the cat hasn't moved an inch, Chris finished his meal and sighed deeply, rolling his eyes and washing the dishes quickly.

 

 

He brushed his teeth, put on his flip-flops once again and left, feeling something weird on his stomach.

 

 

-

 

 

Chris arrived on the set and felt relieved when he realized Darren was nowhere to be seen. Again. Chris did not bring any bag today, so he went straight to the dressing room. He was craving to turn into someone else as quickly as possible, and if he were in a better mood, he could almost laugh at the irony of life: Kurt and Blaine's situation was almost the same as Darren and Chris' real situation.

 

 

He changed into Kurt's clothes and sat on the chair, waiting for one of the make-up artists to come prepare him. He was reading through his lines again, just to pretend he was doing something, though his scenes on this day didn't need him to say much. He breathed in and out deeply when he read one of the scenes and saw the sign that meant that he and Darren needed to kiss. He found it funny that Kurt and Blaine were being forced to kiss in this episode as well. Chris laughed humorlessly to himself and threw the script somewhere when the girl came to work on him.

 

 

-

 

 

When Chris arrived at the place where he would spend one more day sitting with his ex, he sat on the chair with his name on it and sipped from his water bottle. People kept moving around, fixing things here and there and Darren only arrived at the last minute when the director had called him. And there he was: his hair perfectly tamed, the curls no longer there, his outfit put together as they had to try from the beginning again.

 

 

"Hi, Chris..." He muttered, his eyes were bigger when he was under Blaine's skin. Chris only nodded back as they entered the elevator together for the 15th time in a week.

 

 

Yes, now they were Kurt and Blaine.

 

 

-

 

 

The serious scene they had was not coming along. The Little Sue doll had come and gone for a thousand times and Chris, of course, was always the one to screw up. It was the last scene inside the elevator where Kurt and

Blaine were supposed to kiss, and Chris had taken the whole day. He swore it was the last time he fucked up since afternoon, but now it was passed 10 pm, and he still could not seem to put his lips on Darren's. He'd asked for breaks all day, and everybody on the set was beyond tired and irritated. The directors even changed the whole schedule so they wouldn't miss the day. They jumped from the kiss scene, to when Kurt and Blaine arrive only to catch the rest of the performances so that the other actors would not be delayed because of Chris. Also, when the director realized they wouldn't get this done by the end of the afternoon, he made Chris and Darren change their outfits again, so they would film the scene in Sue Sylvester's office.

 

 

Everything was almost done for the day except the kiss scene. The one that everyone was waiting for.

 

 

"Why are you so afraid to kiss him? Just do it!" The director shouted. Everybody was expectant as Darren, and Chris said their lines again and just when they were about to kiss, Chris sighed and backed off. "Ay, fuck! I can't believe this! Do you want another break, Diva?" The director spoke again, angrily. Chris shot him a killing look.

 

 

"Chris," Darren whispered, holding Chris' wrist gently.

 

 

"Please, don't touch me." Chris hissed, but not moving either.

 

 

"Stop doing this. Let's get this done, so this way we get to go home and all this sacrifice ends." Darren muttered, ignoring Chris' request and running his thumb along Chris' fist.

 

 

Chris thought about a lot of mean things to say: don't tell me what to do; fuck off; I couldn't care less. But, he was just as tired as everyone else there and come on, it was Darren! They had kissed countless times, so what the hell was he afraid of?

 

 

 

 

"Okay." He muttered back to Darren and moved back into position.

 

 

"Okay, Chris? Darren? So, let's now on 3, 2, 1, action!"

 

 

-

 

 

The scene started, Little Sue was threatening them and Chris was caught by surprise when Darren shouted something about being hot, not sexually hot, and tired and wanting to go home. Those were not Blaine's lines. Chris shrugged weakly to himself and waited for his time.

 

"So we're in agreement." He breathed as they started to get on their knees and move towards each other.

 

 

"Yeah, that doesn't have to mean anything. The only reason we're doing this is because Sue is going to let us out." Darren's eyes held so much belief in these words that Chris felt a little uneasy.

 

 

"Because Sue is forcing us," Chris affirmed and tried to come back into Kurt's mode.

 

 

"Forcing us," Darren repeated, his voice breaking in a whisper.

 

 

"1.." Chris looked weirdly at the doll. "2, 3."

 

 

And they leaned in to kiss. Chris was surprised at the way his body reacted so openly, like he was ready for it.

 

 

When Darren's lips touched Chris', Chris swore he was seeing fireworks, unicorns and even Cooper's smile behind his eyelids. He wanted more. Gosh, how he had missed those lips. Their mouths were moving so perfectly, and Chris felt like everything was coming back to him. The same feeling he had when he kissed Darren for the first time out of work, when it was real. It was stronger now.

 

He never wanted to stop, though.

 

It felt like hours, and he could kiss Darren all night long from now on. They moved their heads and changed the angle. Chris could feel the cameras everywhere, but he didn't care. He felt like he was sunbathing for the first time after coming back from a frozen place. His heart was beating like crazy in his chest, his body throbbing with the force of it, and he felt Darren's tongue entering his mouth. Oh, god, it was too good to be true. He moved his lips so he could nibble on Darren's lower lip as his hands pulled him closer and Chris just wanted to stay like this forever. He felt all the hair in his body standing up, and as he passed a hand on Darren's arm, he could feel the other man having goosebumps too.

 

Chris felt like he wanted to swallow Darren so they wouldn't ever be apart again. Chris shivered and all his worries, all the pain, all their fights, everything that was bad in their lives or evil in the world had vanished. Chris was floating. Everything that was running inside of him and making him dizzy now made sense. All he could taste was Darren; there was a hint of strawberry, but it was Darren entirely. It was them. And now he could see that those cheesy Klaine stories about puzzle pieces were true. He could see himself spending the rest of his life with Darren. Them. He could see everything: them getting married at the beach (cheesy), them having a surrogate and twin babies and them fighting over the first song their kids would learn. Just them. And more, Chris could see them walking hand in hand at a big event and Darren introducing him as his date to the interviewer. And Chris knew, in that very moment, that Darren was and would always be the love of his life. It was like the had been waiting for each other forever.

 

When they needed air, they let go of each other with difficulty—shocked by the realization both of them seemed to have together. Chris' eyes were wide as he stared at Darren mirroring his expression. Lips parted, realization sinked in. No need for words, just them. Blue-green-gray eyes were burning on hazel-brown-green-golden ones.

 

 

The elevator door opened, and Darren looked at it, getting into his character again, and Chris did the same. The director called cut, and it was like Chris was waking up from a dream. He looked around, and everyone's faces were as shocked as his.

 

 

"It was so worth it." A girl from the crew said under her breath.

 

 

Even when everybody was already fixing up the things to go away, Chris stayed still. Like a statue, unable to move. Darren was as dumbstruck as Chris.

 

 

"I love you, too." Chris breathed and sobbed and laughed at the same time as tears started to flow out of his eyes.

 

 

Darren let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and laughed genuinely for the first time in months, hugging Chris awkwardly from the position they were. Everything seemed to have fallen into place just then. Everything was alright.

 

 

"I love you so much." Chris breathed again, and Darren moaned in relief. He buried his face in the crook of Chris' neck, whispering:

 

"You're the love of my life." His voice was breaking as he spoke, and Chris looked at him, pulling him apart, smiling so big it hurt.

 

"You, Darren, are the love of my life."

 

And they kissed again and this time, no one was around to watch.


	6. I think I wanna marry you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, everybody!  
> Thanks for joining this journey with me and I hope you're all enjoying it.  
> Thanks to my wonderful beta, Cecilia, I don't know what I'd do without her.
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy!

 

After that eventful day and night, and all the pain, regrets, and shame, there were Darren and Chris: together once again. They were living together, taking care of their pets (Cooper no longer sick), happy like they never thought they would be. If they thought they were happy before all this, they were wrong. It was like this time apart, even with all the pain, needed to happen. 

 

When the episode of their kiss scene aired, they were seated on the giant white couch, in front of the tv, waiting expectantly for it to begin. Chris was curled up on Darren's chest, holding his waist as his boyfriend held him, coming as close as he could. 

 

They were watching it intently, making some comments in between scenes and then their scene started. Chris held on to Darren tighter, looking at the tv, watching where everything had ended and began at the same time for him and the love of his life. They laughed at how the camera was focused on them, not remembering hearing any noise back in that day. Now the Little Sue doll was celebrating their kiss, throwing its little arms in the air, screaming "Yay!" as the camera closed in on their full-of-everything kiss. It was readily noticeable (for the so-called "CrissColfer obnoxious fans" and everyone who knew Chris and Darren) that when their characters broke, it was only them, purely, entirely, only them. 

 

Chris looked at Darren and made a funny face. It was first, a mix of worry (because he knew how many people would be screaming and crying and oh my god, lots of shit would be thrown at them at any time). It was then, feelings of joy and pleasure (because, yes, they edited it and cut out half of the kiss, but what they had left was 20 seconds of a languid, slow-motion, passionate kiss). Chris chuckled because, oh, he wanted to repeat this scene again and again. He looked at Darren, and he could feel so much love inside of him. He felt like his heart would explode with happiness as he looked at the beautiful man he was cuddling. 

 

"I love you," he muttered because it seemed the closest thing to what he was feeling. Darren smiled widely and leaned in to kiss Chris. 

 

They kissed for a few minutes, and when it was getting too hot, Darren started kissing Chris' jaw, and neck. He stopped abruptly just as the other man was about to let out a moan.

 

Darren got up on quickly and ran to the upstairs, leaving Chris puzzled and a little annoyed because...why would he go away at that moment? When Darren arrived back, he was smiling even wider--as if that was possible. His eyes crinkled, and his cheeks had a slight blush. He muted the TV and kneeled in front of Chris.

 

"Hi," he whispered, biting his lip.

 

"What's up with you?" Chris asked, smiling even though he had no idea what his boyfriend was doing.

 

"I... My real intention was to take you out on a nice date, to take you to a beautiful place where we could see the sunset, then walk to a beautiful park or somewhere naturally beautiful itself. I'm rambling, I know, but I'll get there." He finally breathed, and when he put his head up to look at Chris again, his eyes were watery, a bright golden-green mixed all together. 

 

"Well, I actually wanted to serenade you and bring you flowers and, gosh, make you blush in the middle of the streets while people stopped by just to know what was happening. But now it just seems so right  that I can't wait any longer." He let out a broken breath, and Chris could suddenly feel what was coming. 

 

Chris' mind was spinning already. His body was trembling as his heart pounded firmly in his chest, and he just wanted to scream yes to whatever Darren had to say. But, he waited because, yes, he was so ready for this.

 

"Chris, from all the high places we've reached together, and I mean all of them entirely, to the bottom of the shittiest places we've crumbled down also together, I just want to say that I love you and that you've been the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. And now I'm really ready to take you. I want you. All of you. I don't care what people will think, I just...Me and you. God, when it comes to you, I'm just terrible with words," They both chuckled, and now Chris' eyes were burning on Darren's. Their expressions were mirroring the other, and Chris could say a tear would have fallen from Darren's eyes at any moment. 

 

"I love you, Chris Colfer, and if we have to reach even higher places or go down low again, I will do it with no regrets as long as you're with me or waiting for me on the other side." A tear fell from Darren's right eye, and Chris held himself to not just break into a million pieces. He held his breath and bit his lip.  

 

"You know I'm messy, oblivious, confused, weird, and constantly singing and annoying people around, but if you want to, I'm willing to change. So, Christopher Paul Colfer, even with all that, me, barefoot, in front of you, crying already as our pets are sleeping just a few feet away -- this is our life -- will you give me the honor of marrying me?" He extended his right hand which was trembling and holding a dark blue tiny box. He opened it with the other hand, eyes never leaving Chris' as he knew he wouldn't miss a second of Chris' reaction. The box had two white-and-gold engagement rings, plain and simple just like them.

 

"Yes." Chris breathed, finally letting his tears fall as he looked at his boyfriend (no, fiancé) lovingly. He felt like they couldn't fit in the world. Everything was too much, and he didn't know if he was having trouble breathing or if his heart was ready to be out of his ribcage at any second and jump onto Darren's hand. 

 

"Yes, yes, yes!" It was finally sinking in. He choked and threw himself at Darren, hugging him tightly and kissing him everywhere he could reach. When he found Darren's mouth; he kissed him thoroughly, trying to show everything he was feeling in that kiss. 

 

"I love you so much; it's perfect!" He whispered as they broke the kiss. He peppered kisses on Darren's eyes, cheeks, neck, and everywhere else.

 

"Yes? Oh, my god, I love you too." Darren choked and laughed and cried all at the same time. He wrapped his arms around his fiancé's waist, holding him like his life depended on it. 

 

When they calmed down a little, Darren took one ring and placed it on Chris' finger with difficulty as he was trembling like crazy. Everything only sunk in when Chris put the ring on his finger, too, trembling as much as him. Darren couldn't believe he did this. It all was so perfect and yet so simple, just like them. The surroundings were messy as there were cushions all around the living room, but it was nothing they couldn't replace later. It was them. Chris and Darren. They were now able to fight the world together. 

 

It was the happiest day of Chris' life.

 


	7. Take Us To That Special Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys!  
> Here's another chapter  
> Thanks to my amazing, wonderful beta, Cecilia.
> 
> Enjoy

Chris couldn't believe he was doing this. 

 

It was summer, and he was in California on a private beach.

 

He was nervous, more nervous than he'd ever been as he paced around the room, his bare feet making no noise on the wooden floor. He looked out of the large window to see the people wandering around outside, taking their seats. Chris clasped his hands together, whistling as he tried to control his breathing. He looked at himself in the mirror and smiled; he never thought he would be wearing such a thing on such an important day, but it felt so right that even if he tried, he couldn't see it happening any differently. He ran a hand through his hair, feeling his body starting to tremble. Where was his fiancé? He breathed in and out and passed his hands on his loose light-blue button-down shirt and moved his legs nervously against his white pants; his hair slightly gelled. Yes, he felt perfect. 

 

He could see from the window his sister, Hannah, running to the room where he was. He opened the door and hugged her tightly.

 

"Chris! Dad said you could use some help, are you okay?" She asked and pushed him softly so she could see his face.

 

"Gosh, I can't believe you're so grown up," He muttered as he placed a hand on her cheek. 

 

"Stop, bro, you said that last night, too, and, once again, I'm 17 already, so...please", she whined and shot him her bitch look, and they both laughed. "Oh, my god, are you okay? Because you're, like, paler than ever and looking like you're about to collapse." She placed her hand on his cheek, then on his eyes and his forehead, looking worried.

 

"Stop, stop, Han, I'm okay, I-"

 

"No, Chris, your heart is like... Racing and it's so fast I almost can't feel it." She kissed his cheek. "God, you're so beautiful and gorgeous today. Darren is the luckiest man in the world and he better cherish that." She said thoughtfully and frowned. "But, okay, he's lucky, and you're lucky and let's get this party started because as I know you and him are the masters of drama, this wedding will have a whole ocean of tears." She fixed his shirt and smiled genuinely at him. "I love you, brother." She muttered, and they looked at each other lovingly. 

 

"I love you, too, Han," Chris whispered, and they hugged. A tear ran down Chris' right eye, and he let out a choked laugh. "Gosh, I'll be terrible during the wedding pictures." 

 

"Stop crying, because I'm holding back as long as I can here!" Hannah whined, and they giggled. 

 

"It's show time," she stated, and they left the room.

 

As Chris' feet touched the sand, he sighed, but happily this time. He had his head down, looking at his feet, trying to control his breath and the speed of his heart. He was breathing in and out slowly. Chris knew he was tugging his sister's hand way too tight, but she didn't seem to mind at all and he couldn't let go either. He felt like he would float out of the planet if he did such a thing.

 

A song started playing in the background and Chris' head shot up like a lightning, as he recognized instantly the song. He haven't even taken his first step on the aisle yet and he already wanted to cry hardly. He spotted Darren on the pulpit, and his breath hitched instantly. His fiancé was the most beautiful man Chris had ever seen. His outfit was almost the same as Chris'; only his shirt was white just like his pants. He looked breathtakingly beautiful. His hair was curly, but not disheveled, just perfect. From where Chris was standing, he could see Darren blushing furiously and he gasped when his and Chris' gaze met. Darren was holding a microphone and he held it close to his mouth and, in this moment, Chris thought he was going to collapse on the floor. But, his sister's hand on him was like an anchor, and he knew he couldn't ask anyone else to walk him to the love of his life, but her.

 

"Hello, you know you look even better than the way you did the night before and the moment that you kissed my lips, you know, I started to feel wonderful. It's something incredible, there's sex in your chemicals, oh." Darren started, and Chris began to walk to him slowly, but with certain steps. 

 

He took this moment to truly take his soon-to-be-husband in: he had the longest eyelashes Chris had ever seen, his lips were so rosy now and Chris could say Darren has spent the entire day biting them, his voice was the softest and the most perfect sound Chris had ever listened to and he was sure he would want to listen to this for the rest of his life. He looked at Darren's blushed cheeks and the other man's trembling hands as he held the microphone and sang his heart out to Chris. Gosh, he loved this man with so much force he didn't even know if it was healthy.

 

Darren was halfway through the song and Chris was halfway to him as he took a chance to stop staring at his fiancé and look at all the people who were there: his closest friends, his and Darren's parents seated side by side, smiling so widely and looking so proud, waving at him. He spotted Lea, Amber, Ashley, Chord, Mark and Cory divided into three couples, two on Darren's left side and Cory and Lea on Darren's right. They were smiling wide, the boys giving them a proud smile as the girls wiggled their bouquets. Chris giggled a little and finally he looked at his sister who was looking at Darren lovingly and caught Chris' gaze just in time, smiling the biggest smile Chris has ever seen on her face as she clutched his hands even tighter and tears started flowing out of her beautiful blue eyes. 

 

"Don't look down, don't you never look back. We're not afraid to die young and live fast. Give me good times, give me love, give me laughs, let's take a ride to the sky before the night is goooooone," Darren let out his perfect high note that even Bruno Mars would be jealous of, and now Chris had finally reached him. He climbed to the pulpit and took his fiancé's free hand. They were both trembling as Darren finished the song, his eyes a light green and hazel colour, shining brightly as some tears started to fall. Chris put one hand on his cheek and brushed the tears off softly, smiling genuinely, showing his teeth, finally allowing his tears to fall, too.

 

"Hi." Chris whispered when the song ended, and everybody was way too busy clapping and whistling to interrupt them.

 

The JOP, who was managing the wedding, was recommended by Ryan, the same officiant that managed his own wedding with his husband. 

 

"Now, let's get the wedding started between two loving men: Chris and Darren..."

 

The man rambled on, everybody fell silent, and he kept talking about how love is important, how it's important to find someone who is not your other half, but compliments you and makes you a better person, etc., etc. None of these words mattered, as beautiful as they were, because Chris knew them by heart, he had been practicing the action of these words since he met Darren. And nothing around them mattered when they were holding each other's hand so tightly, looking into each other's eyes this intensely, feeling each other's pulse synchronized. Their breaths, their heartbeats, everything.

 

Chris only returned to himself when he heard his and Darren's name.

 

"Darren, now you can say your vows."

 

"I--" Darren cleared his throat and let go of one of Chris' hands to hold the microphone. "I've written thousands of songs, hundreds of letters, I've had a billion thoughts about us since the first time I talked to you. When we met, there was something. Something special, something even I had no idea what it was. It was something that had me awake for so many nights, wondering if it was right and fair to both of us and it took me a lot of courage to spread it all out to you as I did the day I asked you to be my boyfriend. I knew it would be hard, I knew it would take a lot of sanity from us and I knew we would have to fight. Fight for our freedom, fight the world and fight the prejudice. I assume I wasn't the best partner to fight with in the beginning, and only now I'm starting to learn how to be... Because you're showing me the best ways to do it, Chris. You've taught me only amazing things since we met and I couldn't be more grateful, I couldn't ask for someone better because there isn't anyone else. You're the most kind and beautiful human I know. And you accepted me even with all my mistakes and fears and flaws and I just... I want you to know that if I had to come back and repeat all I ever did again only to have you like this in my life, I would do it repeatedly, because you're worth it. I love you, Chris Colfer." Darren's voice never wavered this much in his life. Chris has seen him emotional a hundred times, but nothing compared to this. The force and the truth in his words and the way he looked at Chris while his thumb brushed the back of Chris' hand he was holding, proved that he was so sure.

 

Chris was on full cry-mode now, and he didn't know if he was able to say his speech. The microphone was in his hand now as he was shaking uncontrollably.

 

"Well, I--" He coughed a little and held Darren's left hand tighter. His voice was hoarse from the crying, but he was sure he was able to speak now. "As I writer I lack the words to say or write about you, Darren Criss." He giggled and received a short laugh from everybody. "You are the love of my life." He simply said. His blue eyes never left Darren's mixed coloured ones. He felt more tears leaving his eyes and leaned into Darren's touch when he brushed it off softly. "I could ramble on here about the times you put me on the edge of the world and the times when I was on the bottom. You are the most crazy, selfless and kind human being I know and I love everything about you. Before you, I hadn't had any reason to believe I would say the L word so often, but then you came in and showed me more than the L word, you showed me how it works, you showed me basically everything I know today. I knew I could spend the rest of my life with you in the moment our lips touched, I just didn't how I wanted to keep you in my life, I just knew I had to. So I fought. I fought everything and everyone I could, I fought myself and I fought you so we could exist as...we are now. You make me feel like everyday is Christmas, and sometimes it's New Year and every day is an endless party being by your side. I love you for everything you are, everything you were and everything that you'll be. You're my best friend--sorry Ash," he chuckled and she mouthed 'it's okay' putting a hand on her heart, wiping his face with a napkin. "You're my extra power, you're everything I could ever ask for and I hope that, someday, you'll also play the role of the perfect father for our children." He choked and Darren's eyes went wide as he let out a broken breath, more tears leaving his eyes. "I love you. And I want you to know that you've given me the best five years of my life and hopefully will give me many, many more. All of me loves all of you, Darren and I'm willing to fight even more, if I have to. I'm absolutely yours. Forever." He finished his sentence and let out a stuttered breath, wiping tears that never stopped falling. 

 

They were exchanging an intense look and were interrupted by Cooper, who was wiggling his tail rapidly, holding a tiny basket with two wedding bands. 

 

Darren bent down to take it and brushed Cooper's head, smiling.

 

He put it on Chris' finger that no longer held their engagement ring, eyes never leaving his, hazel eyes burning on blue ones. Darren kissed Chris' knuckle when he placed the ring perfectly and smiled wide when Chris repeated his action though he trembled more.

 

"Well, wow. Now, I, for the power of the US justice, officialize Christopher Colfer and Darren Criss husband and husband. You may now kiss each other." The officiant said smiling. Darren and Chris wasted no time. They hugged tightly and kissed slowly, tasting each other, feeling everything they could, matching perfectly.

 

Everybody was clapping loud, whistling, giving them an standing ovation. Chris could see his dad giving him two thumbs up as he smiled and his mom was crying her heart out, clapping and mouthing 'i love you' to him. 

 

Darren spotted his parents smiling wide like never before. His mother was shouting how proud she was of him, and his dad was clapping loud and whistling. Darren's brother was nodding to them, only, but Darren could see in his eyes what it meant, and he couldn't be more grateful. Everything was perfect.

 

When they got down the pulpit, everyone was placed on each side of the aisle, and as they walked, different rose petals were being thrown at them, and Chris took gratefully the rose his sister handed to him, kissing it and giving it to Darren. 

 

"I couldn't be happier." He whispered, his lips brushing Darren's earlobe. 

 

The other man shivered and smiled back at him. "I couldn't be happier either. I love you." Darren mumbled, and Chris' breath caught up in his throat. Even if Darren said these words a hundred times, Chris would always be caught up by surprise. He didn't say it back, though. He preferred to answer with a sweet, but short kiss on his husband's lips.

 

Yes, he couldn't be happier.

 

-

 

"Gosh, you're insane!" Chris said laughing as he fell on the king-sized bed. 

 

Darren had managed to carry him in his arms until they reached the bedroom inside the hotel room, leaving all their luggage by the door. Chris felt like a feather being lifted so easily from the floor by his husband. Darren's legs, though, failed him in the moment they reached the bed and his arms tried to put Chris perfectly on it, but they felt too weak, so Chris literally fell on the mattress.

 

"Hey, sir, I'm trying to be romantic," Darren said, narrowing his eyes at Chris, but his giant smile failed him.

 

"Come here." Chris said seductively and never in the history of Chris' life had these two simple words managed to change the aura of a whole building so quickly. He felt like they've reached a hundred degrees in a single second. Chris gasped at the feeling and Darren was now looking at him like he was ready to eat Chris alive. 

 

"I--I need to get our things outside," Darren mumbled, not sure if he wanted to do it now.

 

"No one is gonna steal that." Chris' voice was so low that it didn't even sound like him. He could feel his whole body heat increasing, his cock suddenly coming to life way too fast. Just the fact that he had his husband with him alone for the first time in a week, with all time they needed in the world was too much, and Chris liked it more than he should.

 

"The door is open," Darren answered dumbly, looking at Chris like he never saw him before. "I'll be right back, it'll only be a second, I--" Darren was out of the room even before he finished his sentence, returning not even thirty seconds later, a little breathless. 

 

Chris was seated on the edge of the bed, leaning against the headboard, looking hungrily at his husband. Husband. This very statement made Chris, even more, needy and shamelessly horny. 

 

"Please, Darren, jump on this bed already, or I'll explode. I want to make love to my husband first and then... Fuck him senseless." He said the last sentence with a lower voice, barely a whisper, arching an eyebrow. Chris was liking this strange power that was making him say all this, and he was feeling invincible. Maybe it was the few drinks he had in their reception, or it was just his happiness speaking out loud.

 

Darren gasped at that and let out a broken laugh, his eyebrows so high they were hidden under his curls. He wasted no time. He knew this should be sickeningly romantic and that he should take off Chris' clothes carefully and build a whole scenery, and Chris should do the same with him--but then Chris just had to say those things in this sexy voice that drove Darren crazy, and suddenly he had no time for romance anymore. Darren just got out of his clothes as quickly as he could, throwing it all on the floor mindlessly. When he was about to take off his black boxer briefs, Chris' breath hitched, and that caught his husband's attention. 

 

"W-what?" Darren looked at Chris with those oh-so-shinning honey eyes, his hands on the waistband of his boxers.

 

"Let me." Chris muttered and crawled to the end of the bed to reach Darren. He sat with his knees under him and looked at his husband, his blue eyes shining brightly as he took in every inch of Darren's body. 

 

He kissed Darren's chest as that was the place he could reach first, then he got up on his knees and passed his arms around his husband's neck. He was kissing his jaw, biting his earlobe carefully, peppering kisses on Darren's face until he reached his mouth. First, Chris only pecked him a few times, and then he took him entirely. Darren's lips parted as if waiting for his husband to come inside. Chris' tongue slid in easily as he savoured Darren's mouth completely, feeling his tongue dancing with Chris', moving so perfectly. Chris took a moment to nibble on Darren's lower lip, controlling the kiss, but letting Darren have his time, too. 

 

It started slow, lovingly, sweet, even. When it became too much, they sped up the rhythm. Darren inhaled through his nose, his mouth never leaving Chris' as he lifted his husband from the bed easily. Chris' legs were tangled around Darren's waist while his fingers were playing with Darren's curls and the other man moaned when Chris caressed the back of his neck. One of Darren's hand was on Chris' back, holding him tightly against his chest and the other was running down his spine, stopping on Chris' ass as he gripped one of Chris' ass cheeks hard. Chris moaned loud, breaking the kiss and biting the curve of Darren's neck. He sucked on this spot, leaving his mark. 

 

Darren moaned, but it was a slight noise. He tugged harder where his hands were on Chris, making the other man move his hips, controlling him with only one hand that was on his ass. Darren could feel Chris' cock really hard against his waist and he could feel himself almost begging for some friction. He took the time Chris was having leaving what would be the biggest hickey he had ever had and searched for the closest wall next to them. He walked to the left side of the room, carrying Chris securely and Chris's breath caught up in his throat when his back hit the wall. He looked at Darren puzzled, but as he saw the lust in his husband's eyes that were almost black now, he felt like had a fever. His body was so hot that he was sure he would start to sweat at any moment. 

 

"I want you." Darren sounded hoarse, and this sentence went straight to Chris' cock.

 

"Then have me," he tried to say, but it was barely a whisper. 

 

Darren had taken the message right, though, because his eyes' colour deepened even more and he bit his lip seductively, attacking Chris' neck hungrily. Chris couldn't contain his desire. His moans were getting louder and louder every time Darren touched him and suddenly his husband was everywhere: taking his shirt off quickly, kissing his neck, his chest, sucking at every spot he could. Chris knew he'd go insane just by this, but it was too good to stop. Darren untangled his legs and put him carefully on the floor, standing him on his feet. Chris' breathing was out of control and he could see that Darren was breathless as well. Darren kissed Chris longingly once more and went down slowly, kissing every inch of his husband he could reach, biting in some places. Darren got on his knees and put his fingers on Chris' waistband of his pants, taking it off slowly.  He kissed Chris' crotch, the inside of each thigh until he reached his feet and then he started kissing Chris’ ankles. Darren also kissed his thighs and placed a wet kiss on Chris' hipbone. He took Chris' white boxer off with the same love and caring he did with his pants. Chris' cock bounced free and Darren smiled, he looked at Chris and sighed happily.

 

"I love you." He whispered, his eyelashes looking longer than ever. His eyes were shining brightly again, and he looked so young and happy with his cheeks flushed that Chris felt like he was committing an enormous sin.

 

But he didn't have much time to think, though, because Darren held his cock softly, running his thumb along its side and on the head that was already leaking with precome. He kissed the head a couple times, pouting at the sight and Chris found his husband the cutest thing in the world. However, all this teasing was driving him insane. Darren didn't rush, though, he kissed his husband's cock all the way to his balls and came back. He repeated the action a few times and finally sunk down. He put Chris cock entirely in his mouth, not even caring that it was already hitting the back of his throat. Darren sucked it to the very end and came back kissing the head again. He moaned and sent vibrations through Chris' cock and body, earning a long moan from the other man, that had one hand on his hair and the other on the wall, scratching it. Chris couldn't care less they weren't at home. He simply couldn't focus when he had Darren like this, taking him so perfectly. 

 

Darren seemed to like what he heard, as he looked up at Chris and mouthed the head of his cock, sucking only there, running his tongue on the edge and taking it fully again. Chris couldn't focus his gaze on Darren and he was going insane, he couldn't even think of a proper sentence nor could he even move his hands to his husband's hair and push him even more because it was too good. 

 

"Dar--God, I-- bed, gonna come, I--not yet!" Chris choked, his blue eyes were wide, and he was panting, his legs were trembling already. Darren nodded weakly but kept sucking Chris. His eyes were closed now, and Chris could feel he was smiling. Chris moaned one more time and Darren chuckled on his cock, sending another wave of vibrations through Chris' body, making him shiver. Darren left one last kiss on Chris very hard and throbbing penis and then he got up. His lower lip was between his teeth, and he was looking very proud of himself. 

 

They ran to the bed and Chris pushed Darren under him. Darren got startled at that but smiled proudly. 

 

"You're mine," Chris whispered with an arched eyebrow. Then he kissed him thoroughly, tasting himself in his husband's mouth.

 

They kissed for a few minutes and Chris started kissing -sucking, actually- Darren's neck and kissed his jaw, bit his earlobe again, mumbling how much he loved Darren and he would make him cry this night. Darren moaned low and Chris took that as a sign to keep going. He went down, taking his time to leave another hickey on the other side of Darren's neck until he was satisfied. Darren shifting was under him, looking for friction while he took his time on Darren's nipples, sucking and kissing each one of them, earning delicious noises from his husband. Chris kissed every inch of Darren's waist and took his boxers off. Darren breathed out loudly when his cock was free. Chris wrapped his fingers around Darren's cock and started pumping it while the other man was moving slowly under Chris' touch. Darren whined, and Chris smiled.

 

"Open your eyes, baby." Chris whispered and kissed Darren's chest, his hand's movements were slow, and the other man couldn't even breathe properly. Darren opened his eyes, though and now they were black. He looked at Chris with lust burning in his eyes and Chris shivered, because just a few minutes ago his husband was the cutest human being and now he looked so sexy it was dangerous. 

 

Chris stopped playing with Darren when it became too much to handle, and he placed their crotches together. Chris rocked slowly in Darren's lap as he let out a loud, shaky laugh and put his arms on his eyes. Chris never felt this sexy before, and he liked that. He kept moving slowly, trying his hardest not to give into this delicious friction they were enjoying and come already. Their cocks started to get sticky with more precome, and Chris knew it was the right time. He didn't realize Darren had dropped a lube bottle on the nightstand until he looked at it and reached out to catch it.

 

Darren was getting prepared to let Chris get inside him but was startled when Chris put an amount of lube in his hand and slicked Darren's cock with it instead. Darren moaned when he knew what Chris was doing. Chris sat by his side and opened his legs wide, planting his feet flat on the bed, prepping himself. 

 

Darren sat up and tried to reach out and help, but Chris simply shook his head and gave him a mischievous smile.

 

"Just watch," Chris said, with two fingers inside him now as he fought the urge to close his eyes. He was moaning, looking intently at Darren, who watched in awe. 

 

Chris finished his preparation with three fingers and a long moan, and he placed himself in Darren's lap again. Darren had his mouth open, shaped in a perfect 'O' as he watched what his husband was doing. Chris held Darren's cock and placed it at his entrance and sunk slowly, earning a long, loud moan from Darren. When he was completely seated, he breathed out and took a moment just to take it all in. 

 

"Are you okay?" Darren whispered after a moment. Chris was paralyzed, his eyes burning on Darren's. 

 

Darren who's his husband now, who was holding him securely with one hand on Chris’ back and the other caressing the back of his neck. Darren was literally inside Chris and who was so breathtakingly beautiful. Darren, who's cheeks, were a rosy pink. His hair was a complete mess, his chest was rising and falling fast, and he was burning under Chris. 

 

Chris was remembering everything they lived together through these years and he imagined everything they would live through from now on. He saw the kids, he saw their house --home-- and their pets running happily around it. Chris felt like he was living their first kiss again and he shivered; his arm hairs rising instantly and he inhaled softly, taking in the scent, Darren's scent. He closed his eyes a little and returned to the first time they had sex: Darren looked beautiful, but nothing compared to what he was now. Chris opened his eyes again and smiled genuinely, running a hand on Darren's cheek, stopping at his neck, brushing his thumb against it softly. 

 

"I love you." He whispered. Chris started to move his hips slowly, feeling Darren's cock filling him. Chris' own cock was between their stomachs. He put both of his hands in Darren's hair, pulling it as he tried to maintain his focus. But, when Darren's cock hit against his prostate a few times -Chris would never know how he did this- it was hard to be sane. Chris was losing it and he could feel Darren's was losing, too. They were both close and moaning each other's name as they fought the need to close their eyes. Their foreheads pressed together as they looked into each other's eyes, taking everything in their power not to let any second of this pass. It was a moment they would remember forever, the first time they had sex as husbands. No, not had sex, the first time they made love as husbands.

 

"Gosh, Chris, I--I--" Darren couldn't finish his sentence, Chris was almost jumping on his lap. The only sounds in the room were their panting breaths, their loud moans and the noise of skin against skin. 

Chris was pulling Darren's hair tightly, and he knew it was hurting, but he couldn't let go of it. He let his head fall on Darren's shoulder and he bit there to muffle his moans as Darren's cock was still hitting perfectly against his prostate. Their rhythm was so perfectly built that Chris felt the need to cry. 

 

Tears started flowing out of his eyes and he felt it coming, finally. He could hear Darren's strangled sounds, and it was the most beautiful and sexy sounds Chris has ever heard. It took only three thrusts, and Darren's moans got deafening, more like screams than anything else. Chris was pulling Darren's hair like his life depended on it, and his teeth couldn't leave his husband's right shoulder. Tears were running down his face and he knew he was a mess, but it was the most perfect mess ever. They screamed each other's names at the same time and came together long, hard and tortured. 

 

It took them more than five minutes to just wake up from the ecstasy they were in and they tried to focus on each other. Chris looked at Darren like he couldn't believe what had just happened and he gasped when he noticed Darren had tears on his face, too.

 

"You cried," was the only thing that came from Chris' mouth, lazily.

 

"You, too." Darren answered, a beautiful lazy smile hanging on his flushed face. 

 

They were both sweating, there was Chris' cum on both of their stomachs, their hairs were disheveled, and they were utterly debauched. 

 

Darren used the last of his strength to push Chris out of him softly and put him on the bed. He laid him on his stomach since he knew Chris would be too hurt to stay on his back. Then he got up, and he went to the en-suite bathroom to take a towel. He wet it a little and then returned to the bedroom where Chris seemed to be fighting his sleep.  Tears were still coming out of his eyes, but he had this smile that screamed that his tears were happy ones Darren cleaned his husband carefully and quickly washed up as well, throwing the towel somewhere and climbing on the bed next to Chris, cuddling him.

 

"Hmm, cuddle whore," Chris joked lazily. He opened his eyes slowly and pecked Darren's lips. "I love you so much," He said, and ran a hand against Darren's right cheek. A tear fell from Darren's right eye and Chris brushed it off softly.

 

"I love you more than anything." Darren whispered and kissed Chris' forehead. 

 

He put his head on Chris' chest, listening to his heartbeat. They both fell asleep fast but still smiling.

 

Darren never knew that it could be so perfect. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    


	8. Let's Get These "Teen" Hearts Beating Faster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys!  
> A little CC-sex for you guys haha  
> Thanks, once again, to my amazing, beautiful beta Cecilia <3
> 
> Enjoy!

 

Chris woke up the next morning with lights coming from the window, as the curtains were open. He blinked a few times and took a moment to realize where he was and what was happening. Chris' mind flashed with feelings and thoughts and scenes from the night before, and he felt like he was floating again. 

 

He thought of Darren inside of him, the both of them moving so perfectly together like two halves that finally found each other, matched. The way Darren looked at him like he held the stars and the moon; Chris felt perfect. He ran a hand where Darren was supposed to be but found the place next to him empty. Before he had the chance to freak out, he smelled the coffee and something else he couldn't define, but it smelled delicious, too. 

 

Chris opened his eyes and found his husband only in his underwear, holding a tray full of fruits, bread, and different things. Chris was sure he had never mixed all this together in a meal in his entire life. Darren looked at him lovingly, his hazel eyes shining brightly with the sun lighting him. Darren was a piece of gold standing as he stood there looking so beautiful. Chris almost felt the need to cry because he never thought he could get such a wonderful man to spend the rest of his life with. 

 

Chris didn't realize that Darren was finding him to be the most beautiful human ever, and that was why he was looking at him like that. Darren smiled widely and sat beside Chris, putting the tray between them. He kissed Chris' cheek and batted his long eyelashes at him. There was no need to say anything, but, oh, how Darren loved this man.

 

Chris didn't pay much attention to the throbbing pain in his ass; he knew it was only because they hadn't done this in a week. And, well, the position in which they made love the other night was perfect, but also one that always left Chris feeling a dull ache in his backside. They ate in silence while Chris took this moment to notice how Darren's hair was disheveled. His right shoulder had a mark in the shape of Chris' teeth, his neck had an enormous dark hickey, and Chris imagined how it must be aching, but since his husband didn't say anything, he would just take care of it later. 

 

Darren bent down to pour more coffee in his cup, and Chris could see the extension of various scratches on his husband's back that came from the back of his neck to the end of his spine. 

 

Chris gasped at what he had done to Darren, and he almost felt pity and couldn't understand why he hadn't said anything yet, not that Darren complained often.

 

"Dare-bear?" He called softly, still chewing his bread slowly. Darren turned his head cautiously at him, smiling as he took a sip of his coffee. "Are you okay?" Chris sounded hoarse, as he had just woken up.

 

"Never better." Darren answered honestly, and then he frowned. "Why? I should ask you that." 

 

Chris got startled at this, frowning as well, biting his lip. 

 

"Why? I'm perfectly okay. I mean, I feel..." He moaned when he remembered everything that happened. Darren only looked at him worriedly but shrugged sympathetically. 

 

They finished their breakfast in an awkward silence, Darren suddenly finding his apple way too interesting as he couldn't take his eyes off of it. Darren got up first, asking Chris silently if it was okay if he put the tray away and Chris nodded, smiling at him. 

 

Darren disappeared for a few minutes, and Chris took this moment to get up from the bed and brush his teeth. He had plans to stay with Darren in bed for a few more hours and then they would explore every beach they could. Chris couldn't wait to find the empty ones. 

 

When Chris got up, though, he quickly fell on the bed again, feeling terribly weak as his legs were wobbly. He tried again, slower this time and made it. Chris strolled to the bathroom, and his ass was pounding in pain while held himself against the sink. Chris was biting his lower lip trying not to make any noise, and he looked himself in the mirror. The boy was a total wreck:  his hair was messier than Darren's (yes, it was possible), and there were almost purple fingerprints on his arms, ribs and his waist. Chris couldn't even remember when Darren had held him this tight. If Chris thought he had given Darren the biggest hickey, he was entirely wrong. His hickey was on the right side of his neck, from his jaw to his collarbone, and there were other smaller hickeys splattered on his chest. He turned around and pulled his hair up, g back of his neck that was covered in purple hickeys. 

 

Chris felt the need to laugh as he never felt better in his life, and he couldn't even walk properly, but there he was covered in dark marks that, in any other circumstance, he would've hated it. But everything was okay, so okay because the person who did this was allowed to do it many, many more times. Chris shook his head in disbelief but still continued laughing. He got under the shower spray, holding the toothbrush Darren had left there for him, and he started his shower. 

 

Chris felt the need to sing, but the more he tried to stop laughing, the more he did it. Happy tears started flowing out of his eyes, and Chris felt like he was high on some drug that left him light and genuinely happy. He wanted this feeling to last forever. Chris brushed his teeth during his shower and finished it less than ten minutes later. His ass felt a little better so he could walk without feeling like he would fall at any moment. He walked out of the shower, and just then he remembered he didn't bring any towel--but he couldn't care less. Chris walked out of the bathroom feeling like he was a brand new person. 

 

It all happened way too fast, but at the same time, it looked like it was in slow motion. The first thing Chris spotted when he got in the bedroom was his husband bent down, with his ass high. He seemed to be looking for something inside his luggage, mumbling to himself. Chris gasped at the sight, and his cock understood the message even if there weren't one at all. 

 

Darren got up and turned around in one motion and had the same reaction as his husband. His eyes are going wide as his lips parted slightly, his cheeks reddening instantly. They didn't waste a second, it was like magnets were pulling them together, and they ran to each other, crashing their mouths together, their bodies pressed like they were glued. They were panting already as Chris' wet body slid easily on Darren's and their hard-ons brushed against one another. 

 

They didn't even bother going to bed. Chris pushed Darren to the floor and hovered over him, kissing him in all places he could reach, holding Darren's curls carefully. It was a silent caress for what he did the previous night. Darren's body was hot, incredibly hot and Chris bit his lower lip to muffle back a moan when Darren's clothed dick became too uncomfortable. Chris crawled on Darren's body, kissing his jaw, the hickey on his neck, the bite on his shoulder and Darren whined quietly when Chris touched these places. He caressed Chris' hair softly with his eyes closed. Chris finally made his way to his husband's waist and kissed there slowly, taking off Darren's underwear carefully. He wasn't expecting to find another black hickey on the inside of one of Darren's thighs. He looked up puzzled, with an arched eyebrow, but when Darren looked at him with those mixed-coloured eyes, Chris just felt the need to take care of him and never hurt him again, even if it was for a good (awesome) reason. 

 

Chris kissed the hickey and threw Darren's underwear somewhere in the room, carelessly. Darren's cock was pulsing when Chris took it in his hand, pumping it a few times. Darren's breath hitched, and he groaned hoarsely, his eyes closing again. 

 

"Uhh, Chris," he mumbled, and when Chris did it again, he almost went off the ground, smiling and biting his lips. "I want a sixty-nine, now, Chris, please," he whined seductively and Chris couldn't just deny something like this when he felt like he could burst into flames at any moment. 

 

Chris nodded and moved so he could be in the right place. Darren put both of his hands on Chris' ass cheeks and pulled him down, taking Chris entirely in his mouth. Chris was giving his best not just to sink in. His legs were trembling and he was using everything in his power not to fall. Chris tried to maintain focus, but it was hard when he had Darren sucking him like that, moving his hips in a steady rhythm, controlling him. Chris was almost losing it, so he decided to play along. He took Darren's dick in his mouth and he sunk his fingernails into Darren's thighs when the man under him moaned, sending vibrations through Chris' cock. This action made him shiver completely and moan deeply. It was time for Chris to feel Darren's fingernails sinking in his ass cheeks, and he knew he would be destroyed after that. But, he couldn't give a fuck when he had his husband so perfect like this. Chris focused on his work, and everything was going well until Darren pulled his ass down and licked his entrance. Chris was almost crying as Darren repeated the action nonstop. He knew he wouldn't last thirty more seconds of this, but no, he had promised Darren he would fuck him senseless, and that was what he would do. 

 

"Uh, oh, oh my god, Darren, please stop!" He moaned loudly, fighting his brain to make out the words. One of his hands flew to Darren's cock, pumping it slowly. 

 

"Are you okay? You hurt?" Darren pushed Chris' hips up a little and looked at him worriedly. The way they saw each other was funny, and Chris let out a soundless laugh. He kissed the head of Darren's cock that was already leaking with precome before answering.

 

"No, I'm feeling...high. But I promised you something last night, and if we keep like that, I won't be able to make it." He whined and pouted. Darren breathed and 'aww' in a small voice and let his hands wander through Chris' legs until they reached the floor. 

 

"But it was so good!" 

 

"That's why we needed to stop," Chris whispered, turning up and kissing Darren, tasting himself in his husband's mouth.

 

They both moaned, Chris' hand never leaving Darren's cock as his index finger was making circles on the tip of Darren's cock. He took a moment to realize what was happening, until he felt this same hand going down and down and Chris slide his finger in slowly, letting Darren feel the sensation. The other man was shivering under him, but taking it just right. Chris played with his finger inside of Darren a little and then took it out. He repeated the action three times with three fingers and scissored Darren slowly, moaning deeply in his throat as his husband moved deliciously slow on his finger. They kissed again languidly and slowly. Darren's hands were playing with Chris' hair, their tongues dancing together, sliding smoothly against each others.

 

"I'm gonna come in now, okay? No lube, but it won't hurt you, I promise." Chris whispered, looking at Darren intently, one of his eyebrows arched, his blue eyes shining with desire and helpless need as he stared intently into Darren's dark-hazel ones.

 

"Okay," Darren quietly whispered back, his voice sure and hoarse. "I love you." He added with a weak, but genuine smile.

 

"I love you, too." Chris whispered, and he couldn't hold back a smile, all his teeth showing when he was this happy.

 

Chris placed himself in Darren's entrance and started to get in slowly; Darren helped him as he pushed himself further on his husband. They both moaned loud when Chris was fully in and breathed out in relief. Chris took some seconds to let Darren get used to the feeling, but he couldn't hold back another moan when Darren started to roll his hips on Chris' cock, tangling his legs around Chris' waist as his nails scratched the wooden floor. They rocked back and forth slowly and they finally placed a rhythm. Chris sped up a little when it was becoming too torturous and they were both mumbling sweet nothings in each other's ears. Chris nibbled Darren's earlobe softly and when the heat was increasing and they were both panting, their bodies pounding, Chris' brain was having a short-circuit and he started to tremble hard.

 

"I want-- to fuck you-- ah! Against--against the bed!" He breathed out brokenly, and Darren wasted no time in obeying.

 

He slid off of Chris way too fast, the other man shocked at the loss, and when Chris got back to himself, Darren was already bent down completely, on his knees. His legs spread open on the carpet near the bed and he had his face sunk into the mattress. Chris growled at the sight. His husband was so open, so beautifully fragile and he was all his.

 

"You're so mine," Chris growled hungrily and in less than a minute he was in Darren again.

 

Chris' cock slid smoothly back in Darren's asshole, and they both cried out at the feeling. Darren was so tight that Chris even thought he might be hurting him, but the way Darren was moaning, groaning and whining made Chris sure that he was more than okay. He kept his thrusts even, and when they were reaching their edge, their breaths were uneven and out of control. Their rhythm growing faster and messier and Chris started to see everything in white. His vision was going black, and he was sure he was saying a lot of things, but he couldn't hear himself nor Darren. He tightened his grip on Darren's waist and kept going and going and the last thing he remembered was Darren's hole clenching around his dick as he screamed Darren's name in a shaky voice.

 

Chris felt like he's slept for hours, but when he came back to himself, he saw his husband collapsed on the floor next to him, still trying to catch his breath. Chris breathed in deeply and let it all out slowly. He rubbed his eyes and brushed his tears away messily and used his free hand to caress Darren's chest.

 

"Oh, my God. What the fuck just happened?" He asked. His voice was hoarse, and he coughed a couple of times. Darren only turned his face to Chris and gave him the laziest smile ever. His eyes were closed, his eyelashes shadowing in his flushed cheeks.

 

"I don't know." Darren whispered weakly. "I thought we were having sex, but... I don't know; I guess I just talked to Jesus." He let out a sweet chuckle.

 

"You reached this high?" He turned to lay down on his stomach but decided against it when his penis complained in pain. Darren only nodded, and Chris giggled. "How sore are you?" His voice was still hoarse, and he didn't know that sex had the power to leave someone like this.

 

"I dunno, I just know that I won't be leaving here so soon," Darren whispered. He was talking funny, and that made Chris want to laugh. "See, man? We can't even talk properly; we sound like we're high on drugs. Yeah, my new --not so new-- addiction: sex. Thank you, hus", Darren joked and chuckled to himself. 

 

Chris moved to cuddle his husband and sighed happily when Darren's arms opened easily to him. 

 

"We're crazy; you know that? Half of the hotel must've heard what we did." Chris mumbled, his voice even lower when he buried his face in his husband's neck.

 

"Yeah," Darren yawned and tightened Chris' embrace. "Probably. But it just says that we have the most perfect sex life ever. Like, who else reach this point when they're having sex? We're the best." He kissed Chris' hair. "That's why we were made for each other, and that's why I love you so much."

 

Chris laughed softly against Darren's neck, placing a sweet kiss there. 

 

"You're beautiful, and I love you" Chris whispered and yawned. "When I wake up later, I want to come just from the sixty-nine. Let's see if you're this good, Mr. Criss-Colfer."

 

"Ooh, it's the first time you call me that, please, do it more often, sounds good, but actually sounds like you're calling yourself." Darren sounded lost in thought and laughed softly. "Oh, hus, I'm so tired. See you in a few. Sweet dreams." He kissed Chris' hair again and closed his eyes.

 

"The sweetest." Chris whispered and fell asleep as soon as he could count.   


	9. It has always been you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello? Is anybody still there?  
> Well, hi guys!  
> It's 5:36am now and I just decided to post the very last chapter now because I know that if I didn't do it just then, I'd never do it, actually.  
> It hurts to say goodbye, it hurts because even if it was a brief journey, it was worth it.  
> My very first story and it has come to an end. For someone who never finished anything in their life, it's a great accomplishment.  
> I'm sorry I took so long to post this chapter, it was just that I didn't want to say goodbye to this story just as I don't like to say goodbye to an awesome thing I'm reading. I just...  
> It was awesome for me, being part of this and to understand what a writer goes through just to bring a good story to life... And I wasn't ready to let it go.  
> I'm very fucking grateful for every freaking person that came here and read what I wrote, thank you.  
> Thank you for the strangers, thank you for the people who left kudos and comments, all of them were like a gentle push for me to keep going. It wasn't easy, I'm far from being recognized, but for the people who went on this journey with me, I couldn't want anything else.  
> Thank you once again to my WONDERFUL, amazing beta who has been incredibly awesome with me since day one. Cecilia, you are...everything. The power I needed to make it really happen.  
> Speaking of beta, she couldn't finish the story with me because she had some issues, but she gave her best and for that, I thank her. So, sorry for the mistakes in this chapter, it's all my fault and I really wish you guys enjoy it because it's been the most important thing I've ever done and sharing this with you is huge, so please... Enjoy.  
> Thank you.  
> Here we come to an end.
> 
> I own nothing

 

 

Darren and Chris spent the rest of their honeymoon in Caribe visiting all the beaches and beautiful places there. Of course, they were also having sex everywhere they could and in the weirdest ways. They learned everything about each other, if that was even possible, and found out about each other they're two little boxes full of surprises. 

 

Chris never felt this happy in his life; it was like he was living a dream. They had no fights since they got married and Darren was the sweetest man alive.

 

Darren also was living the time of his life with Chris. It was like every day had a new reason to party and even though they weren't teenagers anymore, he felt like one. When Darren held Chris' hand while they walked on the sand on a deserted beach, Chris might haven't felt it, but Darren was about to burst into fireworks, his heart beating crazily in his chest and he didn't know what he could do with so much love inside of him. Every time he looked at Chris, he remembered a reason to smile. One night, they made love looking at the sky full of stars as the night greeted them with a warm breeze and a beautiful moon lighting the beach, the waves of the sea and 

 

Their loud breaths were the only noises that could be heard. It was the best night of Darren's life.

 

They returned one month later as Chris' agent begged him to publish another book. Darren found another team to work with and got rid of those awful people who tried to turn him into someone he wasn't. 

 

Darren had not come out publicly yet. However, when he got home screaming, sweating and jumping, laughing and crying at the same time, just to disturb Chris from his work and say that he got a transgender role on a Broadway's show--it was almost sure it wouldn't take long for him just to say it already. 

 

Chris wouldn't force him to, though. They were happy and finally they had the privacy both of them always asked for. Of course, rumors were still flowing around, even when Chris was receiving help from one of 'Glee' assistants, and everybody believed he and this guy were having a thing, some people even claimed they were dating and living together. Chris just laughed at that news as he pressed his back against Darren's chest.

 

-

 

FOUR YEARS LATER

 

"Chris, C'mon, it's the big day!" Darren jumped on the bed, and Chris refused to open his eyes.

 

"No, Dare-bear, gimme five minutes," Chris whined and placed a pillow over his head.

 

"No, no, no! We have a lot of things to do! We have to walk Cooper, feed Brian, call the babysitter... God and we have, like, four fucking hours to do this! What? It's 2:15 pm, what have we been doing all this time?" Darren jumped once more and sat on the mattress against the headboard.

 

"Sex. And we woke up pretty early, but someone next door just.can't.sleep!" Chris groaned and threw the pillow away. 

 

"Ahhhh and then we fell asleep, that's why it's so late," Darren sounded distant, and Chris looked at him, their gaze meeting and Chris didn't know how, but he still had goosebumps with his husband. "Still, Chris, we have to get up now before--," Darren was caught up by the soft knocks on the door. "Oh, well." He shrugged and smiled, kissed Chris' hair and got out of the bed, he opened the door and took his son in his arms. "Hey, look who's awake!" He cooed, brushing off the hair of his son's forehead, placing a kiss there. 

 

"Hi, Papa!" Henry chirped and passed his little arms around Darren's neck. 

 

Darren and the kid sat on the bed and Henry ran to hug Chris, who was seated against the headboard with a broad smile.

 

"Hey, sweetheart!" Chris hugged his son and kissed his cheek. 

 

"Daddy!" The child squealed and looked at Chris' eyes. "I'm hungry." 

 

Chris always took these moments when his son was close to him just to look at him. He and Darren had met a woman who was pregnant four years ago and she didn't want the baby, so she was going to abort. Darren and his husband weren't looking for a surrogate at the moment, but the woman's -- Melissa's -- story was just horrible and they couldn't just let it go. 

 

Melissa was just 18 years old when they met her. She was at the line for the last Chris' book tour around America for the year, Darren had gone with Chris to this tour in New York so he could arrange another rental house for them to live while they were there, since Darren would have to do another Broadway show. 

 

When it was her time for Chris to sign the book, he couldn't just not look at her. She was a beautiful girl but looked terribly sad. She had a long brown hair, big brown eyes, and rosy lips and her eyes also had huge bags under them. They had a small chat, and Chris signed it, but he just couldn't get this girl out of his head. He and Darren went out to a coffee shop that same night, and when they arrived there, Melissa was the one who attended them. Chris was startled by that, and he told her he recognized her. He also noted she walked differently, but he thought it was none of his business. When Chris and Darren returned to the hotel, they fell asleep, but Chris dreamed about her. It was like she was always silently asking for help. Another week passed, and it was like she was a phantom in Chris' mind. He decided to return to the same coffee shop, but without Darren. Chris left him a note saying he would be back soon. When he arrived at the place, the first thing he saw was her seated at a table in the very right corner of the place. Her head was buried in Chris' book, and he only recognized her because of the hair. Chris approached her and before he couldn't even open his mouth, she sighed.

 

"I'm on my lunch break." She didn't even put her head up. 

 

"I--I can see. I'm not here to... I don't know", Chris said and oh, god, it was awkward. He shifted his feet on the floor and when she recognized his voice, her head shot up quickly, and her cheeks reddened, the bags under her eyes even bigger than the last time Chris has seen her.

 

"Oh, I'm sorry, Ch-Chris, I-- I don't... I didn't mean to", she had a hard time trying to get up, and before Chris could stop her, she was already on her feet.

 

"No, you didn't need to get up, sweetie. Melissa, right?" He looked into her brown eyes and they were shining like she was about to cry. "So, it might seem weird and never happened before, but I just felt you could use a friend, I mean, since the day I saw you and...yeah, I don't know how to do it." Chris said and ducked his head because suddenly he felt pathetic. 

Melissa nodded and before Chris knew, he was hugging her. She sighed and like one last breath, she started crying, her cry grew to something bigger, and she began to sob uncontrollably in Chris' arms, her face against Chris' shoulder. It took her a long moment to get back to herself, and Chris bought a bottle of water for both of them and sat with her on the table she was before. After long minutes of silence, as she tried to recompose, she finally looked at Chris and just started talking. 

 

Chris never felt this connected and worried about someone he didn't know. Melissa told him that her stepfather had been raping her for more than three years and even convinced her mother to make her a prostitute and the worst: got her pregnant a few months ago. When Chris heard all of this, he just couldn't help but think about the incredible life he'd always had. Of course, his years in Clovis weren't always easy, but compared to this girl's life, Chris' was like a prince's life. She kept Chris from the horrible details, of course, but the more she said; the sicker Chris got. At the end of the conversation, Chris asked if that was the reason she was looking like that. She did not even think before answering "Yes", and that she knew this child she was carrying had nothing to do with all this mess, but that she couldn't keep it either. So she was just waiting for her payday to "take it away". Chris was scandalized by the words but had nothing to say either. He felt like he would puke if he opened his mouth, so he just nodded sadly and thought about everything she said. 

 

Melissa was only 18 years old, and life was already hitting that hard on her. 

 

Their conversation flew to a lighter mood when she talked about how she knew about Chris' work on 'Glee' and how she couldn't believe when he came in with Darren acting all coupley. They didn't come out yet. Chris told her about his projects, and suddenly it was as if they've always been friends. When Chris left the shop two hours later, Melissa was saying she would have to work two more hours because she was late, he stopped by the first trash can he found and threw up. Chris couldn't even think about what this girl must be going through and carrying a child she didn't want, working in a coffee shop because she left her house and could barely keep a one-room apartment, it was all too much.

 

Chris kept visiting her day by day while he was still New York; they talked about lots of things on her lunch break, and Chris could say she was even getting a little better. Yes, maybe she only needed a friend. When Chris told her Darren got another role on Broadway, Melissa squealed in happiness and clapped her tiny hands, giving Chris a genuine smile, showing her bright white teeth. Chris didn't understand how someone as beautiful and interesting as Melissa could get a life like this.

 

Melissa's payday arrived and Chris woke up nervously. Darren woke up just after him and looked at him worried. Chris couldn't keep it to himself, so he told everything to Darren, from the day he started seeing Melissa to the day they were in. Darren and Chris cried together for a few hours as they talked and decided if they should do something about it. After a long time debating and seeing what was the best thing to do, they decided to go to the coffee shop. 

When they arrived, a barista told them that Melissa was late for work and didn't show up until then, Chris' legs couldn't keep him still and he fell on the first chair he saw and cried. Darren was calming him down when he heard Melissa's voice calling him.

 

"Chris, what happened?" She bent down on her knees beside Darren. "Hi, Darren," she said, and Chris gave wrapped her in a tight embrace.

 

"Oh, my God, Mel! Please, never, EVER again, do this to me." He breathed, kissed her hair, and she looked at him puzzled. "I thought-- you said--" It took her a minute to realize what Chris was talking about. Melissa looked at Darren with wide eyes, her cheeks reddening again as she ducked her head.

 

"I know... It'll be tomorrow; I wasn't even paid yet." She mumbled and gasped when Darren hugged her.

 

"Melissa, don't do this. Please." Darren whispered against her hair. 

They moved to the same table Chris and Melissa always sat at and she sighed deeply again. Chris looked at her, and she seemed timeworn. Her face was thinner, for sure, but Chris couldn't say about the rest of her body as she was always wearing sweaters.

 

"They-- they found me," She muttered, eyes never leaving the table. "They found my mom and me, you know... she... just sat there watching as he", she choked and tears started falling on the wooden table. She cried for a few minutes and Darren and Chris' eyes were wet already, they held hands under the table and exchanged a look, waiting for her to say something more. "He beat the crap outta me. I can't... I have to move out. He said... He'll find me in hell if he has to." She cried even more and let his head fall on the table, his forehead hitting it with a soft thud.

 

Chris and Darren didn't know what to do or say, they just stayed there, waiting for something -- a miracle, maybe-- to happen. 

 

"How long have you been pregnant?" Darren asked, and his voice was hoarse, his fingers rubbing Chris' hand.

 

"Three mon-months." She sobbed, and they fell in silence for another long time. Darren sent Chris a look and tightened the hold in his hand.

 

"Melissa... If I asked you to... keep the baby", Darren started softly.

 

"No, I can't!" Melissa cut him off. 

 

"Wait, please." He said calmly and put his free hand over her's. "I have a proposal... You keep the baby, and Chris and I are going to deal with all the paper shit and official things... We want your baby. I mean, if you like Chris and I this much... you don't have to answer now, but my husband and I are willing to take care of you this whole time, to get you to a good hospital and doctor to follow all the steps. You won't have to work, if you don't want to, you'll just need to stay healthy and happy. We want to take care of you, and we want to have a baby and now..." Darren shrugged softly; Melissa was now looking into Darren's eyes as they were having a silent conversation.

 

"Would you two...really?" She asked, surprised. "Take care of me... but this child I'm carrying is not something... good. It came from someone horrible, what if he or she is horrible, too? If they treat you bad? If--if?" She started crying again, and Darren let go of Chris' hand and hugged the girl in front of him.

 

It turned out that she accepted the deal, but kept working as long as she could just, so she still had her dignity, she said. Melissa moved out and Darren and Chris had helped her to find an apartment where she could live at and the, three of them had a little fight when she didn't want to accept the money to buy a safe place, but they persuaded her, eventually. They took care of her, found one of the best doctors in New York and six months later, little Henry was coming to the world. 

 

After that, they spend only one more year in New York and they tried to get Melissa and the baby in the same vibe, but it didn't work. She preferred to say she was his uncle, and that would be that for the rest of their lives. When Darren's play was over and they were packing to return to L.A with a whole new life in the baggage, Melissa called them saying she got a new job in an entertainment business, and the guys got so happy that the screamed on the phone and jumped together. 

 

It happened that Henry was the happiest baby ever. Chris and Darren gave their best to give the child everything he could need, Cooper and Brian took care of the baby when Chris had to leave Henry in the living room for a few minutes while he was preparing his formula or something else. Henry rarely cried loud and he happened to be the greatest kid Chris and Darren had ever seen. 

Melissa was still their friend, she visited them from time to time, but she was traveling from country to country because of work, but Chris and Darren didn't mind, they were truly happy that she got where she wanted to be -- where she deserved to be.

 

-

 

Chris was snapped back to reality when Henry poked him in the arm, his long eyelashes contrasting his dark-green eyes, shadowing in his rosy cheeks, his porcelain skin touching Chris' skin and he smiled at the resemblance he had from him and Darren even though he didn't come from them. But if he and Darren could really have a child, Chris wanted them to be like Henry: curly brown hair, green eyes, and long eyelashes. He smiled at his son again and got out of the bed, carrying him in his right arm. 

 

"What do you want for lunch?" He asked playfully, and he looked at Darren, they exchanged a look and Darren merely nodded, silently telling Chris he understood. 

 

"Hmm," Henry tapped his little finger in his lips and then his eyes went wide like he always did when he had an idea. "I want pizza!" He shouted and threw his arms in the air. 

 

Darren and Chris giggled, and they all went to the kitchen, the pets following them, but Cooper stopped in front of the door, wiggling his tail.

 

"Uh, somebody wants to go outside," Darren sing-said and Chris nodded, pecking him on the lips and going to the kitchen as Darren went outside with Cooper. 

 

-

 

Chris and Darren did everything they had to do for the day and sighed tiredly when they started to get dressed for the event they had to attend. Chris was jumping in excitement; it was going to be a big night.

 

They waited for their limo to arrive and played with Henry and the pets until they could. When the babysitter came, Henry was almost asleep once he ran around the house all day long with Cooper and played with his toys and watched tv and sang with his dads and, yes, it has been a full Saturday. 

 

When Darren and Chris' limo arrived, they kissed their pets and spent a long moment kissing and hugging Henry and left hurriedly. As soon as they sat in the car, they breathed in deeply and let it out together. They laughed at their action.

 

"Synch!" They said together and chuckled. 

 

"Gosh, we're so gay," Chris mumbled. He shook his head with a smile on his face.

 

"Yup. Oh, when we got married I thought I was having the time of my life, but now is when I'm having the time of my life...Or maybe I'm having the time of my life since we got married?" Darren said lost in thoughts, and Chris rolled his eyes, still smiling. 

 

"I'm kinda nervous," He simply said. Darren took Chris' hands on his and pecked him on the lips.

 

"Me too, it's going to be big."

 

"What if the internet breaks?" Chris asked, and they took a moment to think about the riot they were about to cause. The mysterious silence only lasted two minutes because when it sunk in, Darren and his husband started laughing loudly thinking about the possibilities.

 

"Yes -- God... You know what, Chris? Parenting is hard, but...even though I expected we weren't ready, we really were, right? I mean, Henry is so grown up, gosh, when I took him in my arms for the first time he was so tiny... And he's happy, we're happy", Darren sighed dreamingly. He looked intensely at Chris' blue eyes. "I love you. I love everything we've built together, and I want to have many more things..."

 

Chris gasped and bit the inside of his lower lip. "I love you, too. And even though we do everything differently, it always works out. I'm so happy... I've been quite happy since... I can't even remember a life before you, without Henry, without Bri and Coop... Our home. So many things and so many years we've been together, wow..." A tear ran down Chris' face Darren brushed it off softly. "Those are happy tears, you know? Even though we argue and sometimes I want to crash your head under my arm and punch your brain, you are the love of my life." Chris laughed, and Darren followed him, they hugged and kissed sweetly.

 

"Hey, I'm wounded, hus." Darren muttered against Chris' lips but smiled.

 

The moment was broken when the driver informed they had arrived. Chris' heart started beating fast, and he felt his hands trembling. Darren took a deep breath, kissed Chris passionately and clicked the button to open the car door. 

 

"I love you. It's show time." He breathed against Chris' lips. 

 

Darren climbed out of the limo first, and Chris followed him. The flashes of a thousand cameras invaded their sights and Darren held Chris' hand tightly. They walked to the red carpet and found Darren's assistant in the first corner behind the interviewers.

 

"Hi, Darren! Chris!" He greeted and hugged them quickly. "So, guys, I have no restrictions tonight. Darren, it's all yours this night, and I believe you'll do great." He assured and tapped Darren's right shoulder reassuringly.

 

Chris and his husband nodded smiling and made their way to the aisle. Darren's hand on Chris' never felt so soft and smooth before and that relieved Chris. The first interviewer stopped Darren and started asking questions, talking a mile a minute.

 

"Oh! It's Darren Criss we have in here! Emmy nominee! How are you feeling today? Are you excited? Do you think you'll win? Your new song is being called "The Best Song Ever Written" and it's a duet! But as we know, you decided to keep your partner a secret, but sources tells they recognize the second voice from someone who used to sing with you almost six years ago." She smiled, and the camera focused on Darren. 

 

"Uh, I actually think I forgot the first question," he let out a sweet laugh. Chris was behind him, but Darren's hand never left his. "Yeah, I'm excited and, yes, I really want to win, but we know it's a tough thing, so...yeah, everyone that wins I'll just celebrate, they're all too good. And, oh, I'm flattered! Thank you! I didn't know that about my song, it's just something I wrote while I was seated in my backyard with my dog by my side and, yes, maybe your sources are right. My handsome partner is the same person who not only sang with me almost six years ago, but he's been singing with me since always, I guess. My perfect husband here", he pulled Chris to his side and put an arm around his waist. The interviewer's eyes going wide as she gasped on the microphone.

 

"Oh my god! It's Darren and Chris! Chris, who was his boyfriend on Glee, Chris, who's the best 21st-century American children's book writer, come on! It's too good to be true!" She wasn't faking her reactions, though, and that was the funniest thing.

 

"Yes," Darren answered proudly. "And... that's it, I guess", he made a funny face and looked at his husband lovingly.

 

"Awww! I can't believe I'm watching this! I just... Oh god! I'm kind of fangirling here." She breathed.

 

The interviewer asked them a few more questions as amounts of pictures were being taken of them and they passed through other interviewers who was just as baffled as the first one. Chris and Darren posed for pictures together, and Chris let Darren have his moment, as the night was all about him.

 

They finally made it to their table, and Chris breathed out smiling.

 

"Are you happy?" Darren muttered, rubbing his knuckles softly. Chris pecked him on the lips.

 

"The happiest." Chris mumbled near Darren's ear and passed a hand through Darren's hair that was straight as his assistant asked for this look on him, the wedding band feeling more real than ever on his finger now and he kissed his husband's neck. "I love you," He whispered and Darren shivered, nodding.

 

They announced every category they could and after almost two hours of seating on a table full of famous singers and drinking champagne, Darren, and Chris were nothing less than funny. Darren was giggling non-stop joking he knew he wouldn't win because he wasn't good enough, Chris wasn't capable of giving him a full speech about how awesome he was, so he just shrugged. People around them were laughing and they were having a great time. It really was a big night, Chris' and Darren's twitter were exploding with DM's, their names were in the first place in Twitter's trending topics, and there were pictures of Darren, Chris, their hands with their rings and thousands of people crying saying they've been right all this time. 

 

When Darren's category was finally announced, they found out that Darren actually won an Emmy for the song he and Chris had sung together just for fun, and he cried, walking funnily to the stage. He reached the microphone, received his prize and looked at it with his eyes shining.

 

"I want to thank... first, my handsome, handsome husband." His voice was wavering, and Chris started crying, too. "I'm kinda drunk, sorry, guys. But I want to thank you, Chris Colfer, my perfect husband, my best friend and the love of my life, that helped me writing this song and sang it with me. Then, I want to thank my beautiful son that is my inspiration for life and will always be. I want to thank every single person that still with me. Joey, Cory, Meredith, you guys are amazing! Thank you for all the fun. Uh, I want to thank my team that is just the best and that's it. I love you all. Chris, I love you." Darren looked at him and winked. "And thank you for this little guy here," he shook the Emmy softly, "because yay Emmy winner! I'm almost Beyoncé now." He joked and laughed to himself.

 

"I love you, too!" He screamed, and everybody cheered, shouted and even Beyoncé gave Darren a standing ovation chuckling at the joke he made.

 

Darren got off the stage, holding his Emmy and he came back to Chris with a huge smile Chris has even seen on his face. 

 

"You... are everything to me." He muttered to Chris and kissed him softly. 

 

Right then, at that moment, life was clear, easy. And there was nothing else they could ever ask for. 

 

Everything was really perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on another story. It's called Trip On Me and I really don't know if I'll ever post it, but I will think about it. As for now, I just wish you guys never stop believing in things because it's fucking important, I'm kind of emotional and that's it.  
> Thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave kudos and comments if you like it and enjoy!


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